Pick a Winner…& Get the Hell Out of the Way

I left for work late this morning (which extended the streak to 276 consecutive days & counting), but had to stop at the local gas station for some essentials.  After picking up an 84 oz. cup of coffee and making my way to the counter for a refill on carcinogens, I was caught behind a person whom I like to call a “lottotic”–taken from the root words lotto & lunatic. 

First, there is nothing wrong with people who spend their money on Powerball or scratch-off tickets; there is even a bit of envy, because I learned long ago that there is not a lucky bone in my body.  I truly believe that even if I won a 110 million Powerball jackpot, some type of miraculous shit storm would keep me from collecting.  There are in fact only a couple of lotto ticket buyer “personality types” that I have a problem tolerating.

The first type of person is anyone who handpicks their own numbers for each of the fifteen different tickets they purchase.  The lottery is after all a game of chance, or luck.  I don’t think your birthday, or how many grandkids you have is any luckier than the number of times I went to the toilet today.  I would put those who inquire about every scratch-off ticket the store sells into the same category.  This buyer also usually asks the clerk, ”Is that one any good?” on several different occassions.  While all scratch-offs are not technically the same, I doubt someone working behind the counter is an expert on the pros and cons of purchasing Crazy 8′s as compared to Shamrock Shuffle.

The other type of lotto buyers are the most difficult to deal with, so of course they are the ones I encounter most often.  This lottotic brings in a year’s worth of scratch-offs and old Powerball tickets to find out if they won anything on them.  My first question (after “What the f#$* did I do to deserve this?!?”) is why has it taken so long to cash them in?  Most normal people either cash in or buy more tickets right after they win; if you are buying additional tickets before you cash in winners, then you are not playing with “house money”–which is better than your money.  The reasoning is even foggier when you begin talking about people bringing Powerball tickets in to check; I have bought a few tickets when the jackpot is gigantic, and my eyes were glued to the screen as the winning numbers are announced.  When I realized I won bubkes, the ticket was torn up and thrown in the trash.  So apparently these people are too busy to turn on the TV, or pick up a newspaper, but have plenty of time to make the “convenience” store a pain in my ass.

If any of the descriptions above fit your personality or lotto-buying behavior, I offer one piece of advice:  Think of the person behind you…and think of what that person may be capable of  at 7:30 in the morning without caffeine or nicotine.