A Simpleton’s Life

Today we will initiate the first member into the Hater Hall of Shame, and the qualifications for membership are quite different from its counterpart.  The Hall of Fame is a glorification of the most influential and recognized haters in the annals of history; the Hall of Shame is reserved for the lowest common denominators in society.  These people waist valuable space and oxygen on this precious Earth, but they are partly responsible for the rise of the hater too.  It was a tough decision, but after consulting with my brain trust, it is hard to argue with the final choice for the first inductee.  This person is so despicable and vile, that I am ashamed of adding another footnote to her otherwise meaningless existence:

That chihuahua's outfit is hot...

Paris Whitney Hilton,  Born February 17, 1981

Paris Hilton was born in New York City, and is the oldest daughter of Richard Hilton and actress Kathleen Richards.  In 1919 Conrad Hilton entered the hotel business with his father while living in Texas, and after some success he opened a chain bearing the family name.  Of course the wealth generated by Conrad has since been passed down, and unfortunately Paris is a benefactor of his hard work.  She attended three different high schools in 4 years and was expelled her senior year, but eventually buckled down and earned her GED.  Hilton became a model at age 19, a socialite (jobless) at age 20, and appeared in grainy sex tapes at age 22.  The creative minds at FOX dreamt up a reality series in 2003 titled The Simple Life, which starred Paris and her equally worthless friend Nicole Richie.  The show ended after five seasons, which was five too many, and Hilton moved on to bigger and worse things.  The list of atrocities includes an album that reached #16 on the Billboard 200 for a week, and book that became a New York Times bestseller - which signals two out of the seven signs of the apocalypse.

Her brilliance like, totally shines through on Letterman

And I hate to be morbid, but this is probably her best work (video contains graphic violence)

“Yeah, a lot of my friends like to act like they are better than everyone else. But they’re not. Most of them don’t even know how to party at a club without having to redo their makeup every hour.”

“Women don’t need to be unhappy. And, today, too many women are unhappy for the wrong reasons anyway, like why they didn’t get to sleep with the guy their girlfriend slept with. That’s stupid. I think unhappiness is not good and you should just buy all new clothes. That’s one of my personal secrets to success.”

“I hate it when people say they hate work. There’s something lazy about that. I got paid a million dollars just to show up at some parade in Hawaii. Why would I hate that?”