We will forge into unknown territory today as I review a movie that actually doesn’t come out in theatres until this Friday. In some cases, all you have to do is watch the movie’s trailer, and a minute later you know it’s going to suck. In other cases you can base that decision on the film’s actors, director, writers, etc. For example, if you are going to see a movie made by Michael Bay, there’s a good chance it will look something like this:
Today we will review the film 12 Rounds, starring WWE wrestler John Cena (strike #1). The movie is produced by WWE Studios (strike #2 & 3), a company that caters to it’s devoted wrestling audience, and their utter stupidity. The studio also produced Cena’s first film titled The Marine. He played the role of John Triton – the marine, Triton, get it? - and in a nutshell, someone kidnaps his wife, so he embarks on a mission to save her.
The plot of 12 Rounds revolves around a detective named Danny Fischer, which is of course, played by WWE’s finest. Fischer’s girlfriend is kidnapped by an escaped convict he put away; and to get her back, he is forced to complete 12 challenges throughout New Orleans that are set forth by the terrorist. Here is the theatrical trailer in all its glory:
If this premise looks somewhat familiar, it’s most certainly due to the uncreative collaboration between the film’s director and producer. At one point in the trailer, it states that 12 Rounds is directed by the person who did Die Hard 2 (Renny Harlin), and produced by a guy who did Speed (Mark Gordon). After watching this preview, it’s pretty clear these two got together, combined exact plotlines from the Die Hard movies with Speed, and slapped a different title on it – because Speed Hard,Die Speed, or The Marine 2 would have been a dead giveaway.
The recycling of ideas in Hollywood is nothing new, but the blatant bastardization of American cinema is a whole new animal. And as long as the public continues to fork over their hard earned money to see such garbage, actors like John Cena will always have a place on the silver screen. With that in mind, I am going to give 12 Rounds one of the lowest awards on the TIWIS movie rating scale:
This post was written by Silky Johnson on March 25, 2009
Posted Under: Movies
