Chronicles of an Idiot

Today’s Hater Hall of Shame inductee is a baritone speaking buffoon, and star of possibly the worst quadrilogy in the history of cinema.

Mark Vincent aka Vin Diesel,     Born July 18, 1967

Mark Vincent was born in New York City, where his mother Delores worked as a psychiatrist and astrologer; Vincent never knew his real father, but his stepfather Irving also helped raise him.  His acting debut came at age 7 when he performed in a children’s play at the Theater for the New City – oddly his acting skills have not progressed in the 34 years since.  After working briefly as a bouncer (where he adopted the name Vin Diesel), Vincent became interested in filmmaking; in 1994 he wrote, produced, and directed a short film titled Multi-Facial.  The film was a semi-biographical look at the difficulties of finding work as a multi-racial actor; it ran at the 1995 Cannes Film Festival, and helped him land a role in Steven Spielberg’s Saving Private Ryan in 1998.

After a brief brush with legitimacy, Vin began taking on the types of roles that fit him best – i.e. shallow, macho characters in special effects-driven films.  This trend started in 2000 when he was cast as Riddick in the sci-fi film Pitch Black, but he hit his stride in 2001 after landing the role of Dominic Toretto in The Fast and the Furious.  This action/racing film has somehow grossed over $200 million in revenue, and become an iconic film for 16-18 year-old males with the need for speed…and minimal intelligence (it’s also the reason you see far too many cars that look like this).  His next project was in the film xXx, where he played a thrill-seeking stuntman who becomes a spy for the National Security Agency (Here is a great interview from the xXx premiere that symbolizes the depth of the Diesel).

In 2004 he reprised the role from Pitch Black in a sequel, The Chronicles of Riddick, and then landed a role in Walt Disney Picture’s The Pacifier a year later (which became the #1 movie in America for a week somehow).  In the last three years he has only been in 4 films (which is four too many), and two of those were part of the Fast & Furious franchise.  In his spare time, Vin enjoys playing Dungeons & Dragons (a hobby of his for 20 yrs) and video games like World of Warcraft.  He also had his first child in April of 2008, so hopefully he will put his career on hold and focus on family life – but that’s probably just wishful thinking on my part.

Here is Mark at age 16 teaching the fine art of breakdancing:

An interview in some foreign country that has Vin promoting The Pacifier, and making an ass out of himself:

Vin does the talk show circuit, and shows why he was never big on improvisation: 

Vin takes on some other beloved action characters, and teaches them a simple lesson (Language NSFW):