From Russia with Pain

Apparently Yakov Smirnoff was not exaggerating when he made all those jokes about Russia basically being hell on Earth – the weather sucks, the average monthly wage is $400, and there is a national infatuation with penile mutilation – but they do have universal health care.  These three stories are courtesy of MosNews, and just reading them makes my meat and two veg ache unmercifully:

Son Cuts off Father’s Penis as a Dare:

A man in the central Russian city of Tver has cut off his father’s penis after the two men had a drunken bet, the Tvernews web-site reports.

According to local media father and son were drinking together and at some point started to argue whether the son would dare to cut off his father’s penis. The son won the bet while the father was rushed to the surgery department of a local hospital. The doctors said that upon arrival at the hospital the patient was calm and only swore at himself for allowing his son to cut off “the most precious of his belongings”.

The doctors have said that the success of the operation is still in question as the cut off part has gone black and the body might reject it.

Woman Attacks Husband’s Member with Power Drill for Excessive Spending:

A Russian woman attacked her husband with an electric drill after learning that he had spent his salary on alcohol.

Andrey, a 25-year-old construction worker, came home drunk on pay day and without money, Life.ru website reports.

His wife tried asking him where the money was, but instead of responding he fell asleep.

The woman, aged 28, searched his pockets and found nothing. Enraged, she snatched her husband’s electric drill and stuck it into his pants.

The man woke up and sobering up immediately pushed the wife away and called an ambulance.

“The drill broke the skin and went two centimeters into the penis,” surgeon Dmitry Semenov said commenting on the accident.

“He had to undergo urgent surgery. Luckily for him, we saved the organ.”

On leaving the hospital, the man filed for divorce but did not start a criminal case against his wife.

Woman Blasts off Boyfriend’s Penis with Firecrackers:

A Russian woman got so upset by the news that her boyfriend intended to leave her that she tied several firecrackers to his penis and exploded them, the Life.ru web-site reports.

The 33-year-old victim, identified as Alik D. had lived with the woman whose name was reported as Kira V. for about two years, but when the girlfriend started suggesting that they should marry, the man refused and said that he would rather return to his first wife with whom he had a son.

When Alik started moving out Kira suggested that they had a farewell dinner. After a hearty meal and some heavy drinking Alik fell asleep. The girlfriend tied several firecrackers to Alik’s penis and exploded them. The man was rushed to intensive care and doctors are reported to be fighting for his life.

Kind of gives a whole new meaning to “blowing your load”…sorry, I just couldn’t resist.