Cruisin’ Outta Control

Thomas Cruise Mapother IV,   Born July 3, 1962

Today the Hater Hall of Shame welcomes a man who was once one of the most popular actors in Hollywood.  Tom Cruise (not to be confused with the inventor of the Hoveround) was born in Syracuse, New York, and was the third of four children born to Mary Lee and Thomas Cruise Mapother III. Before Tom began the sixth grade, his father took a job as a consultant to the Canadian Armed Forces (didn’t know there was such a thing); the family then moved to Ottawa, Ontario, and this was where Cruise first became interested and involved in acting.  

Tom’s big screen career began in 1981 after he secured a small part in the romantic comedy Endless Love.  His breathrough role, however, would come two years later when he was cast as Joel Goodson in Paul Brickman’s Risky Business.  After this film’s release, Cruise became a household name and starred in numerous blockbuster films throughout the 80′s and 90′s -such as All the Right Moves, Legend, Top Gun, Rain Man, Days of Thunder, and many others.  In 1987 he married actress Mimi Rogers, and she introduced him to the Church of Scientology, a belief system created by author L. Ron Hubbard.  Although he and Rogers divorced in 1990, Cruise became a devout member and outspoken advocate of this “religion”.  Coincidentally, this is also around the time Cruise’s persona and behavior began to take a turn for the weird. 

One of the major tenets of Scientology is the belief that every human is inhabited by alien spirits…which seems just a tad bit cooky.  But after seeing how Cruise has changed over the course of my life, it’s entirely possible that he is actually Kang or Kodos from Rigel VII.  Full bio on this fruitcake can be found here – LINK. 

MUST SEE – Cruise’s IAS Freedom Medal of Valor Video (Hit red play button, close pop-up, then hit green play button to view video):

Parody video featuring Jerry O’Connell:

“Tom Cruise is a Cock-Block” (language NSFW):

 Couch jumping parody from Scary Movie 4: