Make Me Wanna Shout

So yesterday I was walking my dog around the neighborhood, listening to my MP3 player, and minding my own business.  As I was approaching a side road, a red convertible Sebring with 3 grown men - let’s call them The Douchebags – rounded the upcoming corner and made their way toward me.  As they passed, I faintly heard one of them yell something at me; although I couldn’t make out exactly what was said due to the Jimi blasting in my ears, it kinda sounded like “pussy” – whatever it was, I am sure it wasn’t a compliment.  A few years ago, my first reaction would have been pulling my headphones out and asking them to repeat what they said, or just flip them the bird.  However, I have gotten wiser in my old age, so I just kept on walking and acted as if I hadn’t heard them.

This incident got me thinking though, and I started to wonder what would possess someone to participate in a drive-by shouting.  To put it into gangsta terms, this is basically the verbal equivalent of a drive-by shooting; while I in no way condone drive-by shootings, at least they are carried out with a specific purpose in mind.  A drive-by shouting, on the other hand, is just a random act of idiocy perpetrated by jagoffs with low self-esteem and/or severe mental problems.  If I had stole the Sebring Mafias stash or was caught half-steppin on their turf (which I assume is the Abercrombie & Fitch store in the mall), then a tongue lashing might have been in order.  I would not have even felt compelled to write something about these puss cakes if it was the only time this had happened.  It was the first time an incident such as this occured while walking my dog, but there are certain places where this type of behavior is all too common.  The following two places are spots where you’ll most likely encounter these wankstas - but they are everywhere, so be on the lookout:

• Golf course – If you ever play small ball on some course close to a road, then be prepared to be bombarded with “Fores!” and unintelligible shouts – it’s hard to decipher a comment that’s posted at 45 mph.  Most of these guys (I have to believe this conduct is male-dominated) shout because they think every golfer requires total silence, and will go ape shit if someone disturbs them.  I guess they feel some sort of personal satisfaction from imagining they have ruined your day…or they have just watched Jackass one too many times.
• Spring Break Locales -  Any place where you have sunshine, sandy beaches, endless amounts of booze, and thousands of horny co-eds, you’ll find an abundance of drive-by shouters.  There is always a ”strip” where guys believe they can actually pick up women by driving slowly, and yelling sweet nothings (or honking the horn) at their prospective targets.  I have witnessed this numerous times, and I have only seen it work when one of two factors are present: (1) The shouter is driving a car that is worth more than my life -which is around $100K, or (2) The female is so intoxicated that she would have gotten in the car even if Rocky Dennis was the one behind the wheel (or they just hate their dad).

The bottom line is that it’s high time to end these senseless acts of douchebaggery, and try to strive for a better tommorrow.  I hope that none of my (illegitimate) children fall victim to a drive-by shouting, and I am sure other parents feel the same way.  So let’s all do our part, and we can make the world a better place.