Wastebook

A little while back I revealed my distaste for the inane ramblings posted by Twitterers, and included a quick overview of the other popular social networking sites.  In the original post, I implied that Facebook was the most useful and least annoying – but upon further review, it sucks just as bad as the others.  I still believe that Facebook is a great way to catch up with long lost friends, but that benefit comes at a price.  Here are a few things that have caught the ire of my eye lately, and have made me think about starting an anti-social networking site.

• Faux Gifts – What am I supposed to do with fake drinks or fake flowers given to me through the Internet?  I always accept these phantom gifts – you don’t want the giver to think their fake thoughtfulness has gone unnoticed - but then I’m entrenched in Facebook’s version of a chain letter. When a person gives me something, I’m expected to send something imaginary back to them; and since you don’t want your other friends to feel left out, you’re encouraged to send it to 50 other people who will then send the same shit back to you the next day. 
• The Book of Face - This pertains to anyone who thinks that status updates are a suitable place for posting inspirational quotes/scriptures all day, every day.  I agree that certain sayings  sometimes coincide with the day you’re having, but they’re usually of little interest to anyone other than you.  If I want to be motivated, I’ll just go see Tony Robbins down at the hotel convention center like everyone else. 
• Facebrag - The Urban Dictionary’s definition of facebrag is “To use Facebook as a platform to brag.  Normally about a job, internship, trip, purchase or anything else that nobody really needs to know but you’d like to tell everyone because you’re awesome.”  An example would be a status update that reads something like: ”Just washed my 2009 Chevrolet Corvette Z06, now I’m bout to go for a ride with the top down…you haven’t lived until you’ve driven a Vette ”
• Proud Parents – I understand that having children is a life-changing event and something you have to experience to understand - but since I have not yet planted my seed, I wouldn’t know.  I have come to the conclusion that first-time parents’ lives effectively end as soon as the umbilical chord is cut, because they lose the ability to talk about anything but the fruit of their loins.  I like kids just as much as the next person, but I don’t care about every little thing that happens on a daily basis.  Lil Joey dropping a cute little deuce in his Pampers is not my idea of a worthwhile conversation.