New Fall Lineup 2

Yesterday I introduced you to my first great reality game show idea for the new fall TV season, Crotch Kicks for Cash; but I think the second show I thought of would get even higher ratings – Kill Bob Saget.  Everybody hates that motherfucker.  If schmaltzy had a word to describe it, it would be Saget.  He’s always been such a wuss and cheesy entertainer; his blood probably has higher progesterone levels than the Octo Mom, and his stool samples no doubt have high levels of Stilton. 

Admittedly, due to his time on America’s Funniest Home Videos, Saget is like the Monty Hall of crotch shot entertainment.  That being said, just because you pioneered the gonardre, doesn’t mean you’ve got a monopoly.  For instance, that one cheesy dude could handle the Family, but lost the Feud between his handgun and skull.  Tool Time Tim’s best bud Al has also refereed the familial fisticuffs in the not so recent past.  I even believe the guy who played J. Peterman on Seinfeld is now the game show version of the Henry Kissinger to the television savvy Hatfields and McCoys.  But none of them even compare to that drunk, pinky ring, three piece suit wearin’ and pocket watch fob havin’ mofo Richard Dawson.  I’ll guarantee you that none of them had the pudding cups to make fun of the stupider of the stupidest family members who said, out of a hundred people surveyed, someone said the CIA would be interested in reading their diary (This was an actual answer provided in a celebrity Models v. Soap Stars version I saw on the Game Show Network).

But let’s get back to that assclown Bob Saget; when he was trying to be America’s Funniest host of its videos, he threw out more one-liners than Tony Montana.  He threw them out, and kept doing so even when he knew they sucked.  This is evidenced by the looks he’d get on his face, which seemed to be outtakes from his prior audition as “muscle relaxant misapplied to the sphincter” sufferer # 3 for the low budget production “Burning Ole Brown Eye(s)“.  Saget is also complicit in the ascension of the incomprehensibly famous Olsen Twins to the monetary Mount Olympus .  Yeah, see what I’m sayin?  This motherfucker is pure evil.  He also furthered and or sustained the career of John Stamos during his mullet years; and Dave Coulier’s only other contribution to humanity was pissing Alanis Morissette off enough to write that totally chapped song, the one where she references blowing him at the movies.

As far as the show goes, I am still open to suggestions about the actual plot of Kill Bob Saget.  Would you tell Saget the American public was tired of his schmarmy, phonin’ it in, big-TV-teet-to-allow-the-less-talented-to-suckle-from and were ready to kill him?  Would you film it all guerilla, home video style?  Would you film it like Full House where there was a laugh track?  You could possibly film it guerilla/home video style with a laugh track, and a studio audience.  The possibilities are endless.  As with any new show, you might run into problems early in production.  You could get the special permit and tags from the government, then Saget might acquire a terminal illness, get run over by a truck delivering dildos, or be killed in a tragic anvil-being-dropped-from-the-top-of-a-building accident.  Then, all you’d be left with would be a documentary on how you attempted to make a game show that revolved around killing Bob Saget.  You’d still be revered as a trend setter and visionary in the celebrity death game show field; but you’d be looked upon the same way as Caleb, who thought he could get a least one of every animal into a canoe.  Obviously, the story of Caleb’s Canoe is nowhere near as famous as that rip off artist Noah, and that fancy Ark which was nothing more than a floating petting zoo.