Teddy K, Costas, and Cornhole

What’s the deal with Teddy K denying he had any love interest with Mary Joe Kopekne?  Do you drunkenly drive a car off a bridge IF you’re not trying to pork, about to pork, or have been porking a chic who has chaffed your gin blossom?  Look, I know he was the “Lion” of infidelity and Catholicism, i.e. he was married for 20 years and got the real deal Catholic Church to anull his marriage; but how do you get a pass off reckless homicide, no matter who, or how big your liver is?  I have nothing personal against the guy.  I’m probably even considered “a liberal” by some – thankfully, I’m not fat enough to be considered “some liberals”.  I’ve always viewed Teddy as the lesser of three evils.  That doesn’t mean I believe either of the preceeding assasinated K’s – JF and RF – didn’t have a profound effect on U.S. history.  I merely mean the evil forces decided that if they were going to leave one to philander and swill it out, Teddy was their choice.  Maybe that means he was better at it than his brothers, but I doubt it.  I’ve never heard of any starlets singing him a sexy birthday meet-me-in-the-powder-room right in front of their overrated wife.  But I’ve also never heard of another galactically famous brother bonin’ the same incredibly famous starlet within the same general time frame as his brother.  I mean, Bill “Slick Willie” Clinton had a sack the size of an extra large quantity of Idaho Potatoes, but you never caught him poll’n Roger’s sloppy fourths.

You know, there’s a rumor that Bob Costas is (1) a good sportscaster, and (2) carries a Mickey Mantle baseball card in his wallet.  Number 1, he’s an idiot for doing Number 2.  Any/every Mickey Mantle card – as long as it’s not some reproduction - is worth a good amount of Euro’s.  George Costanza didn’t even have a Mantle card in his “good friend”.  Unless your ass is the size of Texas, fireproof, or has a hard, plastic case section, a Mantle card should never come within a time zone of being attached to it.  In terms of him being a sportscaster, Costas is more genric than a white can with black lettered “BEER” across it.  He has less balls than a neuteree, more bland opinons than McDonald’s head chef, and the observation skills of Ronnie Milsap.  Look, here is a rule you can set your watch by. If a guy does more than one sport, he is a phony.  You can’t be the Marines of a broadcasting genre if you can’t remember whether you’re talking about the Padres bullpen, Blackhawks penalty killing line, or the Eagles potential quarterback controversy.  Basically, Bob Costas is the white crayon of sports broadcasting.  Sure, it can be used on any picture, but does anyone really ever want it, or even need to use it?

Is cornhole this generations answer to washers?  How did someone ever come up with the theory of throwing a fucking bean bag through a hole on a slanted board?  Where in the hell do you still get bean bags?  Call me old-fashioned, but tossing car parts just seems more manly than throwing bags filled with fart fruits.  What kind of beans are in a bean bag anyway?  Is there a particular type of bean more aerodynamic than the others? Can you get more distance with a pinto or a kidney bean?  I mean, you can see how washers came about.  There was an errant hole in the ground, and some guys just took a break from the assembly line; one of them was pissed, and he threw a washer out in a common area in disgust.  The washer then landed within a fig newton from the hole in the ground.  Then Ted from engines said he could get it closer, spam sandwiches were quickly offered up as incentives, and a new game was born.  How in the hell do you accidentally, or even intentionally, get the idea to throw a bean bag at anything? Shooting one out of gun towards the genital area of a terrorist, bank robber, or irate postal worker is understandable.  But just throwing a bean bag in a non-purposeful manner, towards a hole on a structure similar to a half-pipe seems pretty far fetched to me.  My theory is, some fool with a geometry degree and a taste for LSD actually put that degree in worthless information to use.  He probably also had a family member in either the bean or bag business, and the synergy of the two has changed drunk sports for the remainder of time.