My Battle with NGAF

Do you remember that part in Office Space when Peter Gibbons says something about only doing enough work to avoid being fired?  Well lately I have been doing even less than that at the job that pays my bills, and I have a feeling the powers-that-be are starting to notice.  I fully realize that slacking off is not the brightest idea, especially when you consider the current work climate; but within the last couple of weeks, I contracted a serious case of NGAF (link has NSFW language).  This debilitating illness has robbed me of what little motivation I used to possess, and has left me will powerless at work.  I tried several different treatments in search of a cure, and would like to share my findings in case anyone else is strickened with this affliction. 

First, I tried ignoring the problem and my work through the utilization of some basic acting skills - this is known in some circles as the George Constanza Technique.  The GST involves looking perturbed and angry all the time, which leads co-workers to believe you are drowning in a sea of paperwork.  While this has proven to be effective in just about every business setting, you have to have the right mindset for it to work properly.  I am usually a pretty happy-go-lucky person, so it’s hard to stay in character eight hours a day, five days a week.  This type of erratic behavior will lead to mixed signals, and anonymous co-workers may start leaving pamphlets about the warning signs of bi-polar disorder at your desk.  So, I would only recommend the GST for eternal pessimists who are always irritable, or people with some type of background in dramatic theater.

When the GST did not cure my NGAF, I decided to take a day off work and get some much needed rest and relaxation - which also explains my absence from the blog yesterday.  Rest is a recommended solution for many common ailments; I didn’t think one day away would cure me, but I figured that at the very least it would recharge my employment battery and give me enough juice to last a couple of weeks.  In theory, a day off is supposed to be an enjoyable time that helps take your mind off of work - but all it does is make me realize how much I love not having a job.  For instance, when you wake up at the butt crack of dawn on Monday through Friday, you tend to forget just how much you despise waking up early – until you get a chance to sleep in.  Not only do you start to remember things about yourself, you also begin to think about the annoyances of your job responsibilites and all the lazy good-for-nothings you work with.  Before you know it, you have spent a majority of your day off thinking about work instead of enjoying the free time.  I dreaded coming to work more today than I had in a year, and it was all thanks to a little R&R.

Just when it looked like all was lost, and that nothing could cure me of this illness, I attended a motivational seminar this morning that helped me gain a new perspective on life.  I am not usually the type of person who believes the rah-rah mentality works, but desperate times called for desperate measures.  Plus, there was just something about Chi McBride’s “Mastering Success” that spoke to me – I swear I have never tried this before…