Victoria’s Mirage

I am waiting impatiently for some maintenance to be done on my car, and thought I would share a quick rant that has been occupying my medulla oblongata all day:

• I was watching TV last night, and learned that Victoria has unleashed another dirty little secret in the form of their new “Miraculous Push-up Bra”.  In their ad, the company claims that this new piece of lingerie will instantly increase a womans’ breasts by two full cup sizes.  They flog this mammary mirage as a “confidence booster” for any female who may be an active member of the IBTC, but most guys will probably call it an article of lies made from a cotton/poly blend.  In the business world, this type of practice would most certainly be considered false advertising.  I would compare it to seeing one of those commercials for a Snubway footlong sandwich - the ads always makes them look perfect, and your eyes somehow make your brain believe they actually look like that (even though you’ve been fooled by these tactics before).  So you decide to make a trip to the closest sandwich artist in your area, and order a good looking meat-filled footlong with the works.  When you get home and unwrap the object of your desire, however, you find that it doesn’t look anything like the commercial you saw; and on top of that, you realize the damn sandwich is only 4″ long instead of a foot.  In order to level the playing field, I am thinking about creating a pair of jeans for guys that contains an inflatable air bladder behind the zipper.  If you’re going out for a night on the town, just break out the air pump and transform your vienna sausage into a kielbasa…wait, what?!?  Well, it seems that Calvin Klein has already introduced something like that.  That’s the story of my life, a day late and a couple inches short…