Did You Know?

It’s time once again to fill your head with some useless knowledge that I recently contracted from the world wide web.  So be prepared to wow your friends with information they could have easily gone their whole lives without knowing.

• Let it Linger - One of my favorite old school rappers is Compton California’s David Blake, or DJ Quik as he is known by his many fans.  Way back in 1995, he came out with his third album, titled Safe & Sound.  One of the tracks on the CD was called “Can I Eat It?“, and in it, Quik warns of the possible consequences involved when you travel South of the Foreplay Border.  Personally, I’ve never had much of a problem with making that type of travel arrangement in the sack; but I also know a lot of guys who feel the exact same way as the Quiksta.  I look at this through the philosophy of taking the good with the bad.  For instance, let’s say the log rides are your favorite attractions at the theme park, but you also don’t like to get your clothes wet.  If you really want to do the thing you love, you’re going to have to be willing to get drenched at least once to make it happen.  As I’ve learned through experience though - but mostly by watching Summer’s Eve commercials – there are also certain times when a woman is self-conscious too, thanks to that not so fresh feeling.  To appease both sides, the good people at Sentient Products have developed a new product called Linger, which they are touting as an ”internal feminine flavoring”.  According to their website, it’s “a small, naturally sweetened flavoring, free of artificial dyes, which was created to flavor the secretions of a woman when she is sexually aroused.”  On the down side, you’d better be a fan of candy canes because it’s currently only available in mint flavor – and on an unrelated note, I think I finally figured out why Marcie referred to her “best friend” as sir, while everyone else insisted on calling her Peppermint Patty.  Linger’s official website.
• Whale of an Suv - The Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition is an armored SUV built by a Russian company named RussoBaltique – who also developed vehicles for Tsar Nicholas and Vladimir Lenin.  The company claims this $1.6 million dollar machine is the world’s most expensive SUV, which means it’s packed with unique features that few people would ever need.  Some of the most notable accessories include gold-plated bulletproof windows, gauges encrusted with diamonds and rubies, and a kevlar coating that is “rocket grenade-proof”.  Those features seem normal, however, when compared to the type of interior the company chose for the SUV.  Most high-end luxury cars are equipped with a plush leather interior, but the composition of the seats in the Dartz Prombon is head and shaft above the rest.  So what is this mystery material you ask?  The company’s official website states the interior is made from 100% whale-penis leather, which was also used on some famous yacht owned by a rich Greek shipping mogul named Aristotle Onassis.  Two things instantly came to mind when I read this: 1) Who discovered that a whale’s willy was a suitable material for seat covers, and how did they come upon this information in the first place?  2) No matter how badass or expensive it is, I don’t know if I could ever be truly comfortable driving an SUV knowing full well that I am basically sitting on Moby’s Dick the whole time.  Full write-up on the Dartz Monaco.