57 Channels Rehashed
I did the Wii Active tonight for the first time in a while to try and get back on the stick - in terms of losing that menacing 4 pounds, and getting under 200lbs again. Let me be the first to tell you, that is the proverbial mofo. I just don’t feel right playing a video game to exercise anyway; it makes you feel like you just put a quarter in Galaga Pump, Donkey Kongsize, or Pongaerobics. After I was defeated by my virtual workout, it was time to lounge on the couch, watch some tube, and play every couch potato’s favorite game – Channel Association:
Channel 5: Fandango – A reality show where fans of Dancing With The Stars dance the Tango with themselves for cash, prizes, and the opportunity to be made fun of by millions of viewers at home.
Channel 9: Bye, Bye, Love – An in-depth look at how an acquired stutter caused the break up of The Everly Brothers Band. The viewer will walk away with the knowledge that a speech impediment can cost you lots of money, and even family. Whereas the family p-p-part is e-e-easy to get-t-t ov-v-ver, b-b-but losin’ money don’t g-g-get easy for anybo-bo-body.
Channel 17: Catch 21 - A game show where the contestants are given two options on how to win money, and one almost puts them in just as bad a situation as the other - but not quite. When it was hosted by Bob Barker it was known as Damned if You Do, Almost Damned if You Don’t but Not Quite.
Channel 25: House Hunters International - Still reeling from the incident involving his racist remarks, Dog The Bounty Hunter is now known as Dog The Bargain Hunter. The show involves him taking two couples to Hawaii to find their ultimate dream vacation home. The couples get off the plane, and go to their hotels. Dog and his family follow them, taze them when they get out of their cabs, twisty tie their hands, and then take them to the properties THEY think are the best deals.
Channel 38: Dr. Denese Skin Care - A show hawking a doctor’s knee-related skin care products in an effort to make the majority of American’s knees softer, smoother, and more supple. After all, the knee skin is the most neglected of all body part skin.
Channel 45: Golden Girls - A porno flick about chicks who dig golden showers – that one was a little obvious.
Channel 51: Electronic connection - A show about the thing that powers the thing that keeps your wife happy when you’re gone, or passed out.
Channel 66: To Wong Foo - A documentary about waitresses at Chinese restaurants continually being unable to understand engrish. This causes them to get orders wong, and customers having to send the wong foo back so the cooks can make it white.
Channel 72: Cimarron - A show about making a sweetly spiced toast, while speaking in a Latin American dialect that makes it, how do you say? Ahhh yes, sexy. It is the sweet grainy spice of seduction that will make you tingle, especially if your lover isn’t careful as to which orifices and organs get exposed to it.
