Down Goes Fraser

What is the deal with hand sanitzers…Oh wait, I’ve already been down that highway before.  So other than The Governator, Christoper Reeves “Don’t ask me to get up” and Brad Pitt, has there ever been another actor in the history of cinema who was never been in a realistic movie other than Brendan Fraser?  To begin with, this guy was born in some weird ass place known as Indianapolis, Indiana.  Yeah, sure.  Like Greeks and Friends of The Firewater have ever set up shop together.

Brendan Fraser started off his leading man “make believe” career with Encino Man.  Essentially, it was about a cave man who comes back to life in modern day California.  You know how I know that story was bullshit?  He wasn’t floggin’ any type of insurance or mutual funds.  Everyone who’s anyone knows cavemen are either insurance salesman, stockbrokers. or unfrozen lawyers.  This bastard started off less believable than evolution, dinosaurs, and the moon landing.  Sure, you can point to “evidence” that all this shit happened; but what book do you have saying it did not happen, because it says so?  Baaaaah.

“School Ties” was one of the next movies that came up on the phonydar.  He played a Jewish quarterback who enrolled at an all Ayran private school; I think the school’s name was Auschwitz Academy, and their mascot was the Hitlerite.  Despite all this, his character wanted to go to this school on scholarship, so he could better himself and wait out being ostracized by his peers.  A good ostarization can do the soul good.  And somehow, none of these derma craniums picked up on the fact that he had a harp looking thing with candles in his room that burned for 8 nights in December.  His ”outing” didn’t occur until near the end of the first semester, when he started getting rather gentile with a local hottie that Good Will Hunting wanted to solve.  They didn’t pick up on the fact that he had a star which was different than the pentagram on his necklace.  No one noticed that he used motzah balls to fish for gafilta fish, which he told them were actually jewgills.  This movie was both dumb and dumber than anything your Mummy made up at bed time.

I am not even going to try to get into the rest of his stupidity.  According to my source(s) – Wikipedia and Google – he has 30 film credits.  That is way too much ignorance for me to pontificate on.  I mean damn.  I prefer to keep my thoughts centered on some of the more meaningful shit out there – like farts, baboon asses, and TECMO Bowl.