Waste of FaceSpace

I was just informed on my FaceSpace home page that someone had sent me a virtual ”Happy Gift”.  Well thank fucking whatever deity you buy into.  Admittedly, a lot of us have received tangible gifts less worthy of receiving than a hail mary from Ryan Leaf; but at least in those instances, there was some type of attempt at making you happy with said purchase and production of the aforementioned bauble.  Where in the world wide web do people come up with this stupid shit, and how could anyone ever think I would care about something like this?  First, do you really need to clarify to all those in SpaceFacedom that it is indeed a “happy gift”?  This thing was just some kind of cutesy drawing (whatever the hell the pic above is) with something underneath that served as a declaration of intent on making me happy – of which I happily ignored after seeing the ignorance of this unnecessary mood statement.  I mean, are there such things as “pissed off presents”?  Unless you’re a total cock and balls, you don’t ever give someone pissed off presents.  You just give the people who’ve angered up your blood the present of some physicality like fisticuffs, maybe a linguistic thrashing, or some type of public/private embarrassment.  Of course, you could pull the pants of the subject of your ire down in either a public or private setting, push them to the ground, and then remark on how their genitalia resembles either a premature, pre-pickled Gerkin or a bear claw.  This way, you could cover all your angry areas with one onslaught of “Fuck Youdom”.  Just like those value meals at your favorite quick calorie depot, there is something to be said for a grouping of different sorts, taken in at a singular time, with a singular purpose all for one low low price.  I think you can get Gargle My Sack Combos at Quizno’s for a limited time only.  If I’m lucky, maybe someone will send me a “turd in a tube sock gift” again.  I’ll never know how they knew I didn’t have a punch bowl…