Hater Hall of Shame: Lady Gaga Edition

(Gaga fresh from an appointment with her orthodontist)

Stefani Germanotta aka Lady Gaga, Born March 28, 1986

Stefani Germanotta was born in Manhattan, New York, and is the eldest child of Joseph Germanotta and Cynthia Bissett.  Stefani took up the piano at age four, had written her first piano ballad by age thirteen, and was performing at open mic nights soon after.  While attending an all-female private Roman Catholic school in New York, she also became interested in the theater and acting.  Stefani has described her experiences in high school as that of an outcast, saying, “”I used to get made fun of for being either too provocative or too eccentric, so I started to tone it down.  I didn’t fit in, and I felt like a freak.”  Yet her old classmates denied this, claiming that “She had a core group of friends; she was a good student.  She liked boys a lot, but singing was No. 1″  So it sounds like the artist formerly known as Stefani is pulling out the old “brooding teen who didn’t fit in and was outcast” routine to make her more mysterious (and marketable).  At age 17, she was accepted into New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts and began working on her songwriting.  By the second semester of her sophomore year, Germanotta had withdrawn from the school to focus on a career in music.  “I left my entire family”, she once said, “got the cheapest apartment I could find, and ate shit (I guess it’s true that you are what you eat) until somebody would listen.”

At age 19, Stefani signed a recording deal with Def Jam Recordings after the labels Chairman and CEO heard her singing in a hallway close to his office.  She was dropped from the label after only three months, but hooked up with a songwriter/producer name RedOne and created her first song – a take-off of a popular Motley Crue song titled “Boys Boys Boys.”  She then formed the Stefani Germanotta Band with some friends she met at NYU, and they became a popular fixture in the New Jersey club scene.  Music producer Rob Fusari then stepped in to produce some of Stefani’s earlier songs, and reportedly gave her the moniker Lady Gaga – a reference to the Queen song “Radio Gaga.”  In 2007 she began to collaborate with a performance artist named Lady Starlight, and the two began playing gigs at clubs in downtown New Jersey.  In the summer of that year, they were chosen to play at the American Lollapalooza music festival, and the buzz surrounding both her eccentric stage show and glam pop style hit the mainstream music fans.  Later in 2007, with the help of Fusari, the artist now known as Lady Gaga was signed to a new division of Interscope known as Streamline Records.  She released her first studio album (The Fame) in August of 2008, and it would subsequently break into the top five on charts in six different countries.  Her first two singles off the album became huge hits, and the second – “Poker Face” – reached #1 in pretty much every major music market in the world and thrust her into the limelight.

Gaga has stated that her musical influences are based in glam rock acts like David Bowie and Queen, as well as pop stars such as Madonna and Michael Jackson.  Her vocal stylings have also been compared to the Material Girl, but she is probably best known for wearing outrageous outfits that are reminiscent of an S&M space hooker from some science fiction movie.  The artist has stated that “fashion is everything to her” and this even extends into her thought process while writing songs: “For me, it’s everything coming together,” Gaga explains, “I want the imagery to be so strong that fans will want to eat and taste and lick every part of us.”  Personally, I’d rather eat, taste and lick every part of a ranch hand’s boots who shovels horse shit all day.  When asked about what she wants to accomplish in her music career, Gaga says, “I don’t want to sound presumptuous, but I’ve made it my goal to revolutionize pop music.”  When I think of “revolutionaries” throughout music history, names like Marley, Dylan, and Hendrix come to mind.  You know, people who had talent, a unique sound, and delivered powerful messages through their lyrics.  While I will concede that her sound is unique, I’d just like to list a few lyrics of Gaga’s in closing – you tell me whether you’d view them as revolutionary, or closer to the rantings of a mentally challenged nymphomaniac:

• “I won’t tell you that I love you, kiss or hug you, cause I’m bluffin’ with my muffin.  I’m not lying, I’m just stunnin’ with my love-glue-gunning.”
• “Don’t be dirty ice cream, baby. We could fall in love, but it’s too early to be calling me like that.  Stop calling, stop calling.”
• “If you see a girl this pretty, shake her, shake her, shake her kitty.  When you see a girl that’s pretty, shake it, shake it, shake that kitty.”
• “Take a bite of my bad girl meat (bad girl meat), take a bite of me boy.  Show me your teeth.  I’m a tough bitch.”
• “I’m not loose, I like to party.  Let’s get lost in your Ferrari.  Love it when you call me legs, in the morning buy me eggs.”
• “Knock it, pump it, wash it, bump it.  Rub that glitter and grease, he loves it!  He’s so fine he makes her shiny, there’s more glitter and grease behind me.”

More Lady Gaga parodies