From Russia With Pain VIII

(This is how Russian kids celebrate the end of their high school career – it looks like this youngster’s graduation present consisted of alcohol and anabolic steroids)

It’s time for me to pull back the iron curtain, and unveil the newest batch of crazy stories from the Kremlin:

“Pancaked“

The winner of a pancake-eating contest dropped dead after gorging himself on 43 of the cream and banana stuffed desserts.

Boris Isayev, 48, from west Russia, collapsed to his knees and died on stage after stuffing himself with pancakes in a competition to mark the end of the region’s “Pancake Week”.  “He had really enjoyed the pancakes but then he started foaming at the mouth and went down like a sack of stones,” one witness said (The same thing happens to me every time I eat breakfast at Denny’s)…“We have seen people fainting [during such contests] before,” she added.

Onlookers tried to revive the man, but he died on the stage.  Witnesses apparently described Isayev as “the most active participant in the contest,” adding that he “ate all the types of pancakes on offer and won fairly.”  I know they are trying to honor Mr. Isayev, but calling him “the most active participant” at an eating contest is kind of like saying Prince Markie Dee was the most active member of The Fat Boys.

The exact cause of death is not clear, but doctors believe he choked after a piece of pancake got lodged in his throat.  I would’ve guessed that he choked on account of the syrup, but I guess that’s why I’m not a Russian doctor. (VIA)

“Walking in a Winter Urineland” (This article is a little old – March 2010 – but apparently it’s not an isolated incident in this part of the world)

The Amur region in Russia’s Far East was hit by yellow snow, Elena Pechkina, a regional meteorologist, told RIA Novosti.

High winds in Mongolia mixed the clouds from a front with dust and sand, crossed northern China, and then dumped the unique-colored snow in Russia.  “This type of precipitation is not harmful to the residents of the area and no additional analysis will be done,” Pechkina said.

She said this type of snow was not rare, however it usually falls in the region at the end of March or early April. (VIA)

It seemed like Ms. Pechkina was being a little too nonchalant about what most normal people would view as an unusual meteorological event, but she was apparently right.  I just typed “russia yellow snow” into a search engine, and was greeted with over 4 million related stories – and the first four articles given were all from different years, dating back to 2006.  While the color of the snow hasn’t changed, opinions regarding the cause and worrying about its adverse effects have:

“Yellow Snow Fell on Russia’s Far East” (2/28/06) – On Wednesday, February 22, heavy yellow snow suddenly fell on Sakhalin, Russia.  Russian media reported that the yellow snow was caused by environmental pollution coming from China.  Samples of the yellow snow have been sent for analysis to a nearby city laboratory.  An official from Russia’s Emergency Situation Ministry stated that the yellow snow emitted an offensive chemical odor.

“Yellow Snow Triggers Environmental Alert in Siberia” (1/2/07) – A public warning was issued in West Siberia’s Omsk Region on Thursday after polluted snow came down, yellowed and oil-stained.  “The snow fell over an area of about 1,500 square meters at around 1:15 p.m. Moscow time yesterday, January 31,” Emergency Situations Ministry spokesman Viktor Beltsov said.  People living within the contaminated zone have been warned against melting the snow down to obtain water, and advised to avoid stepping on it wherever possible, he said.

“Yellow Snow!!” (3/29/08) – Researchers have concluded that the yellow snow which fell over Arkhangelsk Oblast, Komi Republic and the Nenets AO this week stems from dust and sand from southern parts of the country, reports the Barents Observer.  According to regional meteorological officials, the yellow-orange coloured snow which fell over parts of northwest Russia March 25 to 26, contained dust and sand which was transported with strong winds from the southern regions of Kalmykia and Volgograd.  Or it could be the result of consuming massive quantities of vodka, and having no indoor plumbing.

“Democracy or No Democracy“  – The hottest new government-run game show in Russia

A new video has revealed that most Russian MPs cannot even be bothered to go through the motions of democracy, but prefer to bunk off and let the few MPs who do turn up vote in their stead.  The footage, shot last week in Russia’s Duma, the 450-member lower house of parliament, showed three MPs frantically running from empty seat to seat in order to vote for fellow deputies who were playing truant after lunch.

The vote, which made it illegal for motorists to have any alcohol in their blood, was passed by a crushing 449 votes even though there were only 88 MPs, or just over one fifth of the chamber, present.  Western critics say the parliament is little more than a puppet chamber that does the Kremlin’s bidding.  But Kremlin-backed politicians insist it is a serious institution and on Wednesday rushed to condemn the incident as “shameful” while conceding, rather oddly, that such practices were a regular occurrence.

“You cannot call a situation where MPs run all round the chamber pushing buttons for absent colleagues anything other than a disgrace,” said Sergei Mironov, leader of the Kremlin-friendly Just Russia party. (VIA)

I could think of a few other things you could call it, namely cartoonish and hilarious.  After watching the video in question, the whole scene reminded me of one of the games that you used to be see on The Price is Right, or voting if it was a game of whack-a-mole: