Did You Know?

Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast.  If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you may miss it.”  Well, here are some recent news stories and events that have caught my attention over the past few days you might have missed – with a little bit of my opinion thrown in for good measure.

• Police in Pennsylvania discovered a 91 year-old woman who had been living with the corpses of her husband and twin sister over the last few years.  I bet she’s a Weekend at Bernie’s fan.
• There was an article on Yahoo! this morning about a junior college basketball player with an unusual name, and the headline read “How Junior College Star God’s Gift Achiuwa Got His Name.”  That’s right, his first (and middle name, I guess) is God’s Gift.  So as you can imagine, I was shocked to find out that his father is a minister, and that the name is “a reflection of the family’s devout religious beliefs.”  No shit?  I thought for sure he was named after a racehorse that won the 1995 Kentucky Deity Derby.  And can you imagine how this story would be received in America, and would we even hear about it, if the name turned out to be something like “Buddha’s Blessing,” “Allah’s Award,” or “Satan’s Souvenir?”  Sounds like wet dream material for Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh.
• Lebron James is finally going to announce what team will be paying him a buttload (we’re talkin’ badonkadonk) of money over the next few years, and he has decided to announce the decision via a primetime hour-long special on ESPN.  The King is not only entering Favrean territory, it looks as though he’s also in danger of becoming the most hated person in Cleveland since Rachel Phelps.  Why in the hell would you take a whole hour to drag out a decision the sports media have been talking about incessantly for the last two years?  Much like the Favre saga, my eye has started twitching at the mere mention of Lebron’s name on any sports show; because it’s the same shit every fuckin’ time – “Well we’re hearing this, some other people are hearing this, and there’s a possibility of this happening…but we still don’t know anything for sure.  Back to you.”  This is always followed by “we will keep you up to date on any future developments.”  Thanks, I’ll still be here not giving a shit.  It’s also hard for me to picture Lebron putting on this hour long show to announce he’s going to stay in a city that’s most known for its harsh winters and steamers, but I guess we’ll have to wait until 9 PM EST tomorrow to find out if my assumption is correct.
• I think someone needs to tell the media in Texas that just because a story involves an American flag being “rescued”, it doesn’t automatically mean the incident is of the feel-good variety: