From Russia With Pain IX

It’s time once again to check in with those mercurial Muscovites, and highlight some recent news stories that make our society seem normal by comparison.

Grandmaul-y Hatchet

A 73-year-old woman in Siberia, who hurled – is hurled the right word to describe a 73 year-old throwing an object?  I could see toss or lob, maybe – a hatchet at a city prosecutor general after she was denied a meeting with him, has been placed in a psychiatric ward.

The elderly woman had appeared at the prosecutor’s office in the city of Omsk on April 27, and requested a meeting with him.  After being denied the opportunity of having a talk with him, the woman pulled a hatchet out of her purse (she must have been carrying the female version of a Costanza wallet) and hurled it at the prosecutor.

The prosecutor reacted quickly and blocked the hatchet with his arms, though he was injured in the process.

The woman was initially charged with attacking an official with the purpose of causing bodily harm.

Psychiatrists concluded that the woman suffers from extreme psychosis and is unable to control or understand her actions.  I believe this is the exact same defense Mel Gibson’s lawyers will use when he has his day in court. (VIA)

The Hostess Hoist

A court in Russia’s Krasnoyarsk region brought down a sentence against a train hostess who had made a passenger get out of the train after it started developing speed leaving the station, which the man had missed.  The woman simply forgot to wake the passenger up on time and did not want to stop the train for him afterward.

The train hostess was given a ten-month suspended sentence, Interfax reports.

The train hostess of the Abakan-Krasnoyarsk train did not warn one of her passengers about the arrival to his stop, which was done in violation of her duties.

She woke the man up just a minute before the train started moving.  The hostess was aware of the fact that the man would not be able to pack his things and get off the train in only one minute.  However, she did not take any measures to stop the train to avoid possible disciplinary penalties afterward.

“Instead, she made the passenger jump off the train as it was leaving the station.  She was very well aware of the fact that this could cause the passenger severe bodily harm (At least she has a grasp on the concept of physics).  Luckily, the passenger suffered no injuries,” an official said. (VIA)

Waves Turn Into a Wake

A Russian swimmer’s life ended in tragedy after a speeding yacht spun out of control and cut her into half…The accident occurred in the Pirogovskoye reservoir after swimmers asked a passing yacht to create some waves for them. But after speeding up, captain Sergei Marchenko, 57, apparently lost control before running over Olesia Ivanova, 25, cutting her in half with his propeller, Moscow News reported.

Ivanova was seriously injured and died later in hospital.  You wouldn’t think a story like this could get much worse, but you’d be wrong.  When the boat captain was asked about the tragic incident, he showed off some of that world famous Russian compassion.

Although eye-witnesses said Sergei Marchenko stopped briefly before speeding from the scene, he was unrepentant in an interview with Life News.

Marchenko said he had no intention of fleeing the spot and would have called the emergency services if he had known of Ivanova’s injuries .

“Why did I not slow down at once?  Because if I stopped, I would have been carried over and chopped up lots of people.  I knew that I would kill one or two, but would at least save the others,” he was quoted as saying.

He claimed he was an experienced mariner, both at sea and on inland waters.

The man who had rented the yacht was arrested, and could face five years in prison for careless use of transport causing the death of a person.  Let me get this straight.  The captain who willingly acquiesced to do something that he knew “would kill one or two people” doesn’t get into any trouble, but the guy who rented the boat may get five years in prison.  And I thought our justice system was messed up.

But the craziest part of this story is the lone comment that was found below the article.  This is from someone who posted under the catchy handle “Russia Strong, US-A weak,” and was written this morning:

“Did you not read that, Presi-dent Bush? A Russian woman, strong woman CUT IN .5 AND DIES IN HOSPITAL!!! When can American woman be cut in .5 and not die straight away I ask? Russian women strongest in world, you can cut in half and still they live for a little bit (I have heard of a pissing contest before, but this is ridiculous). All glory to Putin and strong Russian woman.  Down with President Bush and capitalists!”  You hear jokes about how people in Cuba are just now hearing American music from the 80′s, but it doesn’t appear as if the Russians are receiving the timeliest of information either.  I guess those spies they sent over didn’t feel like the outcome of the 2008 election was worthy intel. (VIA)