Monday’s Missing Links

A few funny, informative and disturbing articles you might be interested in reading – and if you’re not, tough tit.

There are many reasons why people with jobs are fired by their employers, and some are easier to justify than others – in legal terms.  If a worker undergoes a psychiatric evaluation and the test results reveal some Gibson-like behaviors, then their employers may most definitely have a cause for canning the individual.  On the other hand, if Ms. Cleo or Dionne Warwick tells an employer that a pregnant worker’s unborn fetus is carrying negative energy, you’re probably gonna end up with a wrongful termination lawsuit on your hands. [ABC News]

One of the many things that my parents taught me while growing up was the principle that you should always “respect your elders.”  Either they’ve never heard this old adage in West Virginia, or they have a different definition of “respect” in that part of the country. [The Charleston Gazette] Local news coverage of the story here.

I have verbalized my “animalosity” towards the group of nut jobs collectively known as PETA before, and contend that any person who spends all their philanthropic energy protecting animals needs to be spayed or neutered – and possibly put down.  To be clear, I am not saying there is no value to an animal’s life or denying the horrors of animal cruelty.  But when you consider the fact that at least 80% of people in this world live on less than $10 per day, it seems kind of odd to care so much about a perceived problem like chimp abuse in Hollywood.  If I had to guess one way or the other, I would bet the advertising team at Chrysler would agree with this sentiment.  [Raw Story]

The human mating ritual is vastly different from that of animals, and unfortunately for men, there isn’t a certain dance or guttural call that will subsequently guarantee you a companion for some carnal relations – and Roofie Coladas aren’t considered a ritual.  Wouldn’t that be great though?  No, I’m not talking about using Quagmire’s drink of choice to make myself more appealing to the opposite sex.  Can you imagine going to some club, and watching a bunch of guys on the dance floor doing the Macarena and making sounds like Chewbacca, while surrounded by a group of captivated women who are judging each male’s every move?  That sounds pretty damn crazy, and yet it’s still not nearly as weird as Time Magazine’s list of the “Top 10 Weird Insect Mating Rituals.” [Time]

I appreciate a well-written piece of satire, and there is no shortage of topics in our society that can be ridiculed and questioned in a witty, subversive manner.  In my opinion, the easiest target right now is our government – or American politics in general – and writer Mike Larsen takes dead aim at one of our most sacred pieces of parchment in his latest piece titled, “Why Does The Constitution Hate America?” [The Huffington Post]