M.L. mmmKay
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. A riveting drama about a particularly perfect cut piece of Spam with a beard, who turns to a gang to fulfill the void left by an absentee father.
Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin went on tour this past weekend to get Republicanism off their chests, and served as the main acts in a reenactment of an actually historical event. Glenn Beck took time away from yelling, crying and reminding everyone he was an alcoholic long enough to promote a “rally” at the Lincoln Memorial. Glenny B said the point of the whole thing was to “restore America’s honor.” Civil rights leaders – who have no actual job other than running around and bitching about shit they think ain’t right civilly – had a bunch of separate but equal opinions on this matter. Basically, they all individually said the same thing collectively. According to their over-sensitive selves, the rally should have been segregated to a different day than the 47th anniversary of MLK’s greatest hit. Who put apartheid pee in their Freedom Wheaties? I don’t know a lot about a lot of things, but I do know very little about some things. If I remember watching something correctly, MLK was all about letting everyone have their say and their own opinion. Of course, his main gig was that black people should be treated just like anyone else. Uh, duh?!? That’s a novel theory there, MLK. Equality for all human beings. You should bottle that up and sell it.
As ignorant and obvious as this ideal is, he was one of the first in this country to say prejudice assholes should just get over it. It is unfortunate that someone had to do a book report on the steps of Uncle Abe’s statue to really bring that into the forefront of American history. If you have to be told that all humans are created equal, you should probably not be allowed to play with different colors of Play-Doh. If you have to be told that all humans ain’t really equal, you’re dumber than a piece of Tupperware filled with mountain pellets. What I’m trying to type is, all of us ain’t anywhere near the same, but we shouldn’t discriminate on the basis of skin color. You should hate a motherfucker ’cause he’s an idiot, asshole, jerk, wuss, puss, goober, dunderhead or a Boston Red Sox fan. Skin color hatred can also be very dangerous if getting a tan is a possibility. Passing out on a float in a pool after having too many Third Reich Ice Teas could lead to your being kicked out of Klub. I have to think melatonin is a motherfucker if you’re racist. Hatred should be used sparingly and intelligently. There is a whole bunch of shit in life that is worth crinkling your forehead, and blowing out your o-ring. You don’t want to spend a large portion of your breathing career on being pissed off or chapped over anything; but if you’re going to hate some shit, it shouldn’t be because you failed kindergarten due to an inability to remember the color brown.
Why is it that a brief power outage throws Direct TV into a bigger tail spin than a tornado coming out of the backfield? From experience, I’d have to say satellite signals are more fragile than Fabergé eggs. If you rip a big enough fart, you can cause a blurry screen. And when it finally does decide to come back on, it gives you this progress bar so that you can countdown the % points until your TV comes back on directly. It’s like you are being held captive by satellite TV’s answer to Dick Clark. Fucking telling me my TV will come back directly. All I want is my TV back on. I don’t need no damn in progress update. It’s like a SportsCenter in-outage update.
