Damned Yankees

It’s been less than twelve hours since the Yankees lost, so I’m still be angrier than a hemorrhoid that’s been freshly plied with Absorbine Jr. because # 28 didn’t materialize this year.  But, they’ll never be able to take Boston’s late season gag away from me.  To a minor degree, 2004 is kinda avenged.  Nah, not really.  To sum up the the Yankee mauling, here are a few overarching post-series observations from a militant, nutty, illogical and angry-when-they-do-not-win Yankee fan:

- Joe Girardi has never met a pinch hitter he did not want to use.  Except for Jesus.  Girardi had a catcher named Jesus on the bench, who was 2 for 2 in the series.  That’s right, Jesus is a Yankee.  In case you were keeping tabs, he recently left Chicago; but whereas he was bound for New Orleans, he apparently had time to make a quick stop in Detroit to get an RBI single.

- TV networks sometimes attach exaggerated descriptions for upcoming games, like “Battle in the Bronx” or “Melee in the Motor City.”  Well, I came up with a couple of suggestions that could have been used:  Yankees vs. An Umpire on TBS, and Yankees vs. Refusing to Swing on TBS

- Who in the hell would keep pitching Scott Proctor given his reputation as a sorry ass sumbitch?  Every time he ever comes into the game, the Yankees take it up the (insert anal/anus/rectum slang word of your choice) like getting a physical from Dr. Jellyfinger.  “Moon River” should be played whenever he comes out from the bullpen.

- Girardi is the dumbest former catcher-turned-manager to ever handle a pitching staff in the history of baseball.

- I haven’t seen that many check swings since a moody Richard Simmons was trying to balance his checkbook.

- Stevie Wonder could’ve seen the strikes the Tigers were throwing throughout the series. Whereas the Yankees batters refused to get the bat off their shoulder, Stevie would have at least wildly swung his cane a few times.

- I admit I’m abnormally hard on Joe Girardi for not changing pitchers, but he should also do so in moderation.  At one point, he was burning through them like Clearasil pads at a middle school band camp.

- I’m convinced ARod, or as AOld as I call him, is the most overpaid professional athlete since Jon “Contract” Koncak.  He’s AWorthless waste of batter’s box space.

- The Yankees got Fistered.

Well, the only bright side is that it is now full-blown UK season.  Yankees Ought Eleven.  Glad to have Nova’d Ye.