Caption America

Sam’s Club, Paducah, KY – Paradise Horses released their controversial new product “Dora Likes To Explora” this week, a toy which was created after a company employees’ recent trip to attend a bachelor party in Tijuana.  It went up for sale at several popular retail stores across the country despite threats of protests, boycotts and even an endorsement from the Perverts for Explicit Needs from Inside Stuffed animals, or P.E.N.I.S. for short.  Samuel Johnson Sinclair Kennedy Vanderbilt St. James Gates Walton, the Current Relative In Control (CRIO), and founder Sam Walton’s eight great-great-grandsons from a previous marriage on his maternal privileged side recently released a statement regarding their decision to carry Dora at Sam’s Club:

“Sam’s Club has always been about the privilege of membership in a private club that’s not readily accessibly to the general public.  With the release of Paradise Horses’ Dora Likes To Explora, we feel we are staying true to the form Sam pioneered years ago, by allowing each and everyone of our members to decide whether they are open, support or even eguage in pre-pubescent bestiality.  The only difference between Dora Likes to Explora and Mormonism is she’s open to new ideas, and only loves one horse at a time.”

P.E.N.I.S. Head Steve “Secretariat” Stevens said he was glad Sam’s had finally shown support for the perverted arts.  “Look, let’s be honest.  Most people enjoy being liked by animals.  Most people enjoy betting on horse races.  Mix them together and you’ve got something to bet on.”  Many within the discount mass retail business have always waffled when it comes to items that either insinuate or endorse anything other than straight, missionary-style sex.  COSTCO Founder, renowned cheapskate, and sexual bore Pete Pennybags when asked about the toy at an Incredible Bulk Convention had this to say:

“If children of questionable alieneage want to fuck horses, that’s one thing.  But having the cost conscious American public support horse fuckin’ just ain’t right.  I mean, it even says right there on the box, ‘Encouraging Serious Horseplay’.  What kind of message will this send to our sexually confused and curious kids? And I’ll tell you another thing, all them vet bills ain’t going to be cheap either.  Some historians have claimed the Roman economy collapsed after an outbreak of horse fuckin’.  It could happen here too.”