Thunk and Go Nuts
Seeing the morning after drinking makes you wish you were disbelieving.
The first step towards being a community activist is to come up with a hair style people will either remember, be unable to forget or be afraid of making and pissing off.
Taxidermy is always taking it up the ass.
Slap a Santa suit on the Republican Presidential front runner, force him to eat some Taco Hell and you’ve got the potential for a new holiday classic: The Gingrinch That Stole the Election.
Have you tried to use this Siri thing on the iPhone? Based on its ability to understand what I say, they should have just named it My Wife-I. Siri-ously. It’s just like marriage. I spend more time explaining what I didn’t say or didn’t mean with that than I do actually saying anything. I need Siri counseling.
I don’t use my account at all, but if I did, I’d write No Fat Tweets on Twitter.
Barry Bonds was sentenced to 30 days house arrest, community service and a fine less than the average cost of each steroid injection he lied about using that led to his conviction for obstruction of justice in Federal Court. The judge postponed imposition of the sentence to allow the house’s lawyers to appeal what they believe to be a travesty of realty.
Accessed molester and former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky was in court this week for his preliminary hearing. In a surprising move, his lawyer waived the hearing saying he did so to get the evidence against his client sooner, and to insure his bond remained the same. Sandusky refused to comment and sped away from the court house in what appeared to be the Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile.
If a transvestite dies in the woods, does it confuse the bear who’s trying to take a shit?
I saw a guy on Pawn Stars try to hoard something the other day. A Storage Wars guy had Holmes remodel one of his lockers. American Pickers busted the myth that couches can’t fly when properly fitted with wings.
The Turtleman‘s grandmother and my grandmother were sisters. As such, to glom onto the fame of a relative I’ve never met, I’m getting my own show called Lawyer Man on Tru TV next fall. I’m going to travel around western KY and brave such dangerous territories as District, Circuit and Juvenile Court. I’m going to dive right into jails and see what in the hell people who pay me have been wrongfully accused of. The camera is going to show viewers how I use my bare hands, Rolex watch, fancy suits and shoes to convince prosecutors and others I must know what in the hell I’m talking about.
My thumb blew out.
JIS
