Cigarette consumers in the U.S. have been ostracized and shamed by non-smoking individuals or advocacy groups since the dangers of smoking were linked to lung cancer and other diseases around the 1950′s.  Although I am surprised anyone up until that point actually thought inhaling smoke through a fiery chemical reaction wouldn’t cause health problems, the medical community has made the long-term effects quite clear over the past 60 years.  Well, the tables turned recently when Chinese scientist found that cigarettes can also be helpful in certain areas – namely, protecting steel pipes from rust.  So, yeah, suck on that American Medical Association. [Pravda RU]

Cellphones are a luxury item that most people would now view as an absolute necessity – but there are few others like me who feel they’ve grown into an enormous annoyance.  Besides Bluetooth headsets – which is the most frustrating tech device on the planet – being subjected to someone else’s loud, private conversations in a public setting is more irritating than having Icy Hot slathered all over your genitals.  Researchers at Cornell University have found an answer as to why this is; unfortunately, it looks like a cure – other than going deaf – is nowhere in sight. [Reuters Africa]

I am, and always have been, a big fan of sleeping.  Sleep is not only necessary to human functioning, it also one of the only ways (I can think of) to escape the doldrums of reality in a purely natural way.  One thing about my nocturnal patterns which I consider to be both a blessing and a curse is possessing the qualities of a “heavy sleeper.”  This is a blessing in the sense that I can sleep through pretty much anything (storms, car alarms, etc), and a curse in the sense that one of those things is often my alarm clock – plus a robber could take their sweet ass time, and everything I own, if they raided my house between midnight and eight a.m.  Yet one essential ingredient to my respite recipe is having a somewhat comfortable place to lay down; a problem which definitely doesn’t hinder the following people from heading to dreamland.  [The Huffington Post]

I’ve often heard the phrase, “Everything is bigger in Texas” uttered by citizens or sympathizers of this hillbilly hamlet, and wondered if there was any truth to this attitude.  While I can’t speak for everything pertaining to the state as a whole, I will say that the city of Corpus Christi definitely has some colossal morons working in law enforcement. [Raw Story]

There have been very few times when I watch a “graphic” video that is labeled as “disturbing”, and actually end up being disturbed by it.  You can say this is an example of desensitization or apathy, but I call it coming to grips with the realization that the world itself is a graphic and disturbing place.  However, if you can watch the following video and not be frightened or worried by the behavior it depicts, then you’re not alive:

I’ll say it again in case you didn’t believe me the first time – this contains highly graphic, violent content that you should find disturbing:

Looks like someone took Crosby, Stills, and Nash’s advice the wrong way

There are a number of somewhat obscure types of movies – I guess the industry term would be sub-genre – that I have always watched since I was teenager.  While some people might label these as guilty pleasure-type movies, I for one have never felt ashamed or guilty for watching something that brings me enjoyment.  One specific type of movie that immediately comes to mind is slapstick, which are basically comedy flicks filled with low brow humor, exaggerated situations, parody, and often physical comedy.  A few examples of my favorite slapstick comedies from years past would be: The Jerk, Airplane!, Top Secret!, Naked Gun, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, Kingpin, and Pootie Tang.  Well, this weekend after wasting hours of my life browsing Netflix’s site trying to decide which movie to stream to my TV, I ran across a hidden gem from 1996 that abruptly ended my search.  Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood was one of the first big screen Wayans brothers’ collaborations (Keenan, Shawn, and Marlon), and spoofs popular “hood dramas” from that era such as Boyz in the Hood, Menace II Society, and Higher Learning.  So instead of watching what will be the most boring – and definitely the palest - NCAA championship game of all-time, I suggest you sit back and enjoy some real entertainment:

(Rated R – Contains pretty much everything you can think of)     

Seth MacFarlane’s Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy full DVD (Uncensored):

I recently found out that New Zealand is the youngest country on earth, which can probably be filed under the useless information category.  They do have an interesting motto though; it is a 100% guarantee that if you come to New Zealand, they’ll promise to give you your life back at the end of the trip.  That’s all and good, but if it’s as taterific as the commercials showed, why in the hell would I want my life back after going there?  It sounds to me like those bastards need a new monarchy, or some other type of family who gets paid tons of money for no apparent reason or benefit.  I would jump all over some of that if given the opportunity.  Hell, I could tell them that my parents house is on Old Zealand Field Road, and that is was meant to be.  I’m booking the tickets now in an effort to realize this goal.  My biggest cultural influence on my new subjects will be the wearing of the Snuggie.  It will be the official dress of the New Zealander after I refuse to take my life back.  If these people bought into all that J.R. Tolkien stuff while they were filming Lord of The Rings marathons there, they could just as easily buy into my bullshit.  Instead of the ring, I’ll have the Snuggie.  If everything works out, I’ll write when it’s time for all of you to come over and assume your parliamentary/government positions.

Do ghosts exist? And if they do, is it possible to touch them inappropriately in a sexual manner?  Who knows?  Maybe that is why Casper is so damned friendly.  In the movie Ghost, the first thing Patrick Swayze did was take over Whoopi Goldberg’s body and get it on with that chick - so I’d have to say that, on average, spooks are pretty horny.  Like anything else, it comes down to consent in the end.  But with a ghost, how would you know if they consented to you touching them?  What if the mondus operandi of your sexuality, per se or not to se, just happened to go right through them?  My understanding of ghosts – all of which comes from movies, television, and pilled/swilled out people who are only a shadow of their former selves – is that they are not a “solid-bodied” and things pass through them like cash through the hands of Illinois politicians.  So, even if you wanted to sexually touch a ghost, could you?  If a ghost wanted to sexually touch you, could it?  If you want to get it on with a ghost, does Dan Akroyd or Whoopi Goldberg have to supervise?

Personally, I don’t believe in ghosts - but I do believe in The Force.  The Force just makes much so more sense to me.  I don’t know about all that making things fly through the air, choking people from across the room, seeing shit in the dark, and all that jazz however.  I’m talking about the feelings you get when you’ve got to pee, or the thing that keeps you – or me at least – from getting more than two inches off the ground whenever I try to jump.  That’s The Force.  You don’t have to be Yogurt or B.O. Won Ton Kenobi to know what will happen when my fat ass drinks too much tequila, and trips over one of my son’s superhero toys for the umpteenth million time.  The Force is most definitely going to be involved, and it will probably be quite noticeable as I fall face first on the floor and black my eye.

The narcissism you see above is provided by some random meathead whose profile pic I boosted from Facebook - I am guessing it is part of the portfolio he put together for his Chippendale’s application.  It also illustrates one of the few things that I still enjoy about being on Facebook, which is seeing people make complete asses of themselves in an open forum.  There are tons of annoying features that pretty much come standard with any FB account – obsessive compulsive status updaters, FarmVille, the Cause-Heads, etc – but all of these things can lead to some great moments in unintentional comedy as well.  It seems like I am not the only one who has noticed this welcomed FB side effect though.  I recently stumbled across a great site named Lamebook that features actual FB posts, pics, and updates that are either: funny, strange, dumb, or a combination of all three.  I do hold somewhat of a grudge against the creators of the site for beating me to the punch, however – I wanted to buy the domain name “www.facebunk.com” a while back with the same general idea in mind, but it was already taken…and that site is bunk too, which pisses me off even more.  Anyway, here are a few examples from Lamebook that I thought you may enjoy on this Monday afternoon:    

You can find these and many more at Lamebook.com

The Hubble Space Telescope was carried into orbit in April of 1990, and is still one of the most massive, vesatile space telescopes ever made.  On September 24, 2003, the Hubble began snapping pictures of a seemingly empty region of space in the constellation Fornax.  The telescope’s optical survey camera, or ACS, continually took pictures of this area using different filters and wavelengths, before it concluded on January 16, 2004.  The result of this galactic photo shoot was the Hubble Ultra Deep Field Image, which is the most comprehensive look at our universe to date.  The finished image contains an estimated 10,000 galaxies, and will be used to identify galaxies that existed between 400-800 million years after the Big Bang.  The HUDF is truly a remarkable sight  - and it also makes me feel about as insignificant as Ringo Starr’s bodyguard:

A video of a dog humping various things or a person is nothing new, but something about this canine casanova has me waiting on pins and needles for Horny Dog part III (Via Afrojacks):

It was a great two days off in my neck of the woods, and like most weekends, it passed by way too quick.  As of now, the recreational residue has yet to fully wear off; but there are a couple of random things that caught my attention over the course of Saturday and Sunday, and I feel compelled to briefly discuss them.

• Why does almost every driver I get behind feel the need to slam on their brakes when they spot a cop, no matter what the situation?  Let’s say someone has been popped by the po-po’s on a four-lane divided highway; if you’re doing 3 mph over the speed limit on the opposite side of that highway, don’t act like Bambi and her mother just pranced in front out your sedan.  Also, if there is a cop on your side of the road gunning cars, and you are speeding, hitting your brakes so hard that the back end of your car raises up like Dr. Dre’s 64 is likely a dead giveaway.  
• After watching the final round of the PGA Championship yesterday, I came to one conclusion – I love watching Tiger Woods get beat.  It doesn’t happen very often these days, but when it does, it’s freakin sweet.  I have nothing against Tiger as a person – although he does come of as a bit whiny at times -  and do believe he will go down as the greatest golfer in history.  The problem I do have is that the TV coverage and announcer’s entire focus is all Tiger, all the time.  You can forget about watching anyone else hit shots when he is in or around the lead, because it becomes the TWGA Tour.  The networks realize that many fringe golf fans only tune in to see Tiger; so they’ll show him practicing on the range or putting for two hours, while other golfers are on the course playing actual golf.  And the Jim Nantz’s and Johnny Miller’s are full of superlatives and adjectives when it comes to describing Tiger.  When other golfers hit shots, they are usually described as “average”, “nice”, and/or “great”. But if Tiger Woods hits what is essentially the same shot, you will be hearing words like “perfect”, “unbelievable”, and “miraculous” – if I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was watching J.C. with a two-iron.  So thanks to Y.E. Yang for knocking off the infallible Tiger Woods, and making this one of the most exciting major tournaments in golf history.

Scientists first thought that the 99942 Apophis asteroid could strike the Earth or the Moon in 2029.  This possible doomsday date was disproved upon further research, but it doesn’t mean we are in the clear by any means.  Since the asteroid will be so close in 2029, it may pass through a gravitational keyhole and be sucked into Earth’s gravitational pull – which needless to say, won’t be good.  This scenario would result in an impact, and researchers predict that date would be April 13, 2036.  The current probability of this occurring has been estimated at 1 in 45,000; but I’ll take the Lloyd Christmas mode of thought, and say, “So you’re telling me there’s a chance?”  

One of the smartest mofos on the planet, Neil deGrasse Tyson talks about Apophis:

I want to say right off the bat that I am not a fan of Limp Bizkit’s music; but like a lot of other semi-crappy bands, they do have a few good songs.  This one seems fitting for another dreadful Monday, although the lyrics are a tad bit extreme – I’ve been pissed, but the thought of packin’ a chainsaw has never once crossed my mind.  However, I did drink a bunch of Mountain Dew and watch the X Games all weekend, so I’m all amped up bro.

(Language NSFW):