Today I wanted to talk a little bit about police issued field sobriety tests. First off, I’ll go ahead and let you know that this exercise in inebriation sets up any person – whether drunk or sober – to fail from the get-go. Who in the hell has ever practiced any of these tasks in everyday life when you’re sober? Have [...]
Doesn’t the hairless, transparent individual above look eerily like Tiger Woods? And no, I don’t think all half-Asian (one-quarter Chinese and one-quarter Thai), one-quarter African American, one-eighth Native American, and one-eighth Dutch pro golfers look alike. Anyway, when you’ve been brained in the gourd like a freshly thumped melon as I have, you can expect [...]
Hollow Points & Oats have been shown to reduce the cholesterol in 4 out of 6 gun nuts who eat at least two bowls a day, while fantasizing about shooting shit. Side effects may include increased testosterone levels, Itchy Trigger Finger Syndrome and Charlton Heston’s Dementia. Consult your doctor immediately if you think you are [...]
(I know there are 3 of these now, with a fourth on the way; so admittedly, I’m a little late to this blood-suckin’ bash) So, every girl under the age of 18, fat older ones, nerds and those with continence issues love Twilight. Twhy is this movie so freakin’ popular? It’s about a family of [...]
