What in the hell happened to the purple leather - not quite a jumpsuit, but almost a super hero - costume-wearing Eddie Murphy of the Raw days?  Hell, I’ll even take the quasi-pink leather of the Delirious days if it means he’ll actually go back to being hardcore funny again.  However, E.M. traded in the leather that hugged his Testiclees (The Greek God of Fertility) like they had just stated their first name and admitted they had a problem for fat suits, novelty teeth, and computer generated animation.  Sure, farts are funny.  Lettin’ one go at the appropriate, strategically placed time (or the inappropriate time) can be funnier than any kick to the tenders.  But as far as I remember, those Nutty Professor movies marked the disappearance of the Eddie Murphy people like me once loved.  The coupe de ville of those two flicks was him playing all the different Klump characters, and blowin’ it out like they worked for Atmos.  Admittedly, the first 10 times you see it, it’s funny.  After that, it’s just him with a bad wig, wearin’ a fat suit, a bunch of makeup, and some editors splicin’ all this flatulence together.  Once again, if by some weird chance you’ve never seen Tropic Thunder – which I refer to more often than the phone book for CVS’s pharmacy – you should.  “Jeff Portnoy” (Jack Black) made his whole career off a movie franchise called The Fatty’s; and in the scenes they show from the movie trailer, all they do is fart at the dinner table a la The Nutty Professor.  So, I guess the only thing worse than not being talked about, is not being made fun of.

E.M. was about as funny a mofo as there was at one time.  He told all those stories about being poor, and cussed like a sailor who just got a below the belt piercing.  But if you watch any tapes of his stand-up, it wasn’t offensive.  The harshness of his vernacular fit the lowdown that he was layin’ forth.  In betwixt all the laughter, you didn’t really have time to keep a scorecard of all motherfuckers, goddamns, fucks, and whatnot.  The routine he did about Bill Cosby was great because, first of all, he imitated his voice and it was dead on.  Second, he told The Cos to fuck off at the end, which in and of itself was shockingly hilarious because it was putting Mr. Family value’s name in the same routine with the F Bomb.  Telling Dr. Huxtable to gargle your gonards takes big cojones, no matter which way you look at it.  He did this no telling how many nights a week, for however long the tour was when he wore that crazy ass leather suit.  That thing was so tight, it probably required three guys, four c-clamps, ball bearings, and a quart of 10W-40 oil just to get it off.  If you looked very closely at his family traditions, you could actually see his pulse, which made the suit very safe.  When he was sick on tour, a doctor could just sit in the front row and monitor his vital signs without having to actually examine him.

Before he kicked ass standing up, he was funnier than that other black guy on SNL, too.  I mean, seriously, Velvet Jones?  After seeing him dressed up in a toupée flogging that book, who didn’t want to be a ho?  There was also the skit where he dressed up as a white guy to see what caucasians were all really up to, and found out we give away free newspapers and drinks to each other on the bus.  I mean, race relations in this country came a long way after he played Gumby.  Before him, nobody could have imagined Gumby as being black.  He’d always just been green.  The only people up for that role were Lou Ferrigno or Bill Bixby, but Murphy took it to new heights.  Singing the song about “Hymie Town” after Jessie Jackson used it in a statement took guts, and he made it funny.  Plus, that goofy wig and the way he holds the mic while doing it is good stuff.  Who hasn’t tried to convince a member of the opposite sex to play Celebrity Hot Tub?  “You got to get in water!  Hey!  Gonna make ya sweata!  Huh!  Good Gawd!”  And if there has ever been a fake assassination more funny than that of Buckwheat, I haven’t seen it – J.R.’s was boring, and not funny at all.  Before the dude shot him, he said, “Hey, Mr. Wheat?”  Mr. Wheat?  That’s funny right there.  I can remember watching that live with my cousin, and thinking it was real.  Some people remember where they were when the marine/government/mob killed John F. Kennedy.  My generation has the memory of where they were the night Buckwheat was shot.

Now it seems as though he has tapped into the intestines of family humor, and is riding that gastric train all the way to bank.  He was the voice of Donkey in a bevy of Shrek films, and Shrek farts as often as Rosie O’Donnell after 10% off day at the Pork Peddler.  We already touched on the Nutty Professor films, when he fat suited and farted his way to the bank.  Then he made some movie called Norbit, which sounds like what you would call a large man who had something very small in his pants – and I never saw it.  He did Bowfinger with Steve Martin and somebody; I don’t know if that finger is where the arrow in Martin’s head came from, because I forgot to tie anything around my finger to remind me see it.  And who can forget his adventures as a lunar night club owner named Pluto Nash?  I know Eddie’s tried to, since it’s lauded as the worst box office flop of all-time.  About the only non-family thing he’s done in the past fifteen years was pick up that prostitute that may, or may not have been a Transformer (more than meets the eye was definitely true in that case).  E.M. told the cops that he was just giving he/she a ride, so maybe he was doing research for a sequel to Taxi Driver.

I understand that E.M. has probably earned a ton of duckets making families across the world happy by playing flatulent, one-dimensional characters.  That’s great, and a fartwhile dream.  I just don’t understand why a man who has as much pure talent and money – assuming he didn’t go all Wesley Snipes – won’t go back to his roots.  I think it’s time to break the Crisco back out, lube up, throw on the leather, get back on stage and tear it up.  I know I’m not the only fool out there who would pay good money to see it.  There may be some hope on the horizon since it’s been reported that another Beverly Hills Cop is in the works, but don’t be surprised if it turns out to be a Pixar production.

(Part I of Eddie Murphy’s Law)

Doug Stanhope,  Born March 25, 1967

Doug Stanhope was born and raised in Worcester, Massachusetts, and that’s about all I could find out about his early life.  According to his website, in 1990 Stanhope ”started his career in Las Vegas doing jack-off jokes for free drinks.”  Since that time, he has toured all over the world, including appearances at major comedy festivals like the Montreal Just For Laughs, U.S. Comedy Arts Festival, and the Chicago Comedy Festival.  In 1995, he won the San Francisco International Comedy Competition, edging out the incurable anal wart that is Dane Cook in a three-week contest.  Stanhope also took home the Strathmore Press Award in 2002 for his performance at the world’s largest art gathering, the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in Scotland – In 2009, over 1.8 million tickets were sold for 34,265 performances of 2,098 shows in 265 venues, over 25 days.  In 2004, he and fellow friend/comedian Joe Rogan were cast as replacements for Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla on Comedy Central’s The Man Show.  Coincidentally, the role as the second host once again came down to he and Dane Cook; Stanhope recalled the event in a radio interview by saying, “Dane Cook is my comedy nemesis and it all started with the San Francisco Comedy Competition.  I’d be on one of those lists of top ten comics to watch, and he’d be right next to me. For the Man Show it came down to me and him.  I got it, so I think he won that one.” – the Rogan/Stanhope experiment only lasted 22 episodes. 

Instead of attempting to describe Stanhope’s comedic style and his hankering for hating, I’ll let some accredited writers describe a typical Stanhope comedy set, and provide indisputable video evidence to back up their opinions:

“Stanhope’s confrontational stance comes from the rough, blistered underbelly of America’s trailer parks; he’s a feral, aggressive man full fueled by primal urges to drink, fight, and screw;­ and the corrosive material has all the venomous aggression you might expect from that background.  But what underlines it, and makes it so untouchably good, is the passion and conviction with which he holds his intelligent beliefs, informed by sensibilities that might seem alien to such a no-nonsense, pig-headed persona.” Chortle UK

“It could be something of a burden for a comedian to be seen to have taken on the mantle previously worn by Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison and Bill Hicks, as has often been said of Stanhope.  But he is a comic exemplar; he does what stand-up is supposed to do: Say the unsayable, tell us that we are all schmucks, provoke argument and entertain people.” Julian Hall, The Independent

“Doug Stanhope is one funny sumbitch.  He’s also one of the most twisted individuals I’ve ever met, but that’s part of his charm.” The Austin Chronicle

 An appearance on Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe:

The comedian discusses American society’s obsession with fear:

Stanhope’s views on sex and shame (Language is NSFW):

Bonus Clip: Religion and Politics 

Here are some more videos from everyone’s favorite Asshole, beginning with a few helpful tips on how to protect yourself from an oncoming attacker:

Bear Grylls ain’t got shit on ”The Naturist”:

McInnes attempts to answer an age old dispute:

Bonus Clip: McInnes and fellow comedian David Cross take a trip to China (Part I of III).

It looks like Katt Williams has taken some time away from his newest career - B&E - and returned to his comedic roots just in time for another DJ Steve Porter masterpiece. (Language NSFW):       

Before today, I’d never heard of the Christian rock band Newsong, or their popular holiday ditty “Christmas Shoes”; however, I am familiar with the work of comedian Patton Oswalt – you might remember him from such films as Starsky & Hutch, or as the renaissance fair guy in Reno 911! - and he is of the opinion that it’s the most terrible holiday song of all-time.  After listening to some of his thoughts on it (which also includes some very funny animation accompaniment), I had to do a little searching so that I could have a listen and judge for myself.  Without a doubt, the song is definitely as bad as advertised – and their lead singer looks eerily similar to Billy Mays.  Apparently this 1996 song was inspired by a popular Internet story that made its rounds; the story was then turned into a novel in 2002, and eventually made into a CBS made-for-TV movie starring Rob Lowe that same year.  On the outside, it seems like such a touching and heart-wrenching story; but to Patton, it is one of the most disturbing Christmas tales he’s ever heard – and after listening to this extremely funny breakdown of it, I’d have to agree.

(Contains some language)    

(Found on Unreasonable Faith)

I mentioned in a post a little while back that Hater Hall of Famer Louis C.K. has a new sitcom coming to the FX network in March of next year.  “Louie” will be loosely based on events from the comedian’s life, and will also include material from some of his stand-up routines (think Curb Your Enthusiasm).  If you have not been lucky enough to watch any of the new sitcoms on FX, the network definitely seems to be pushing the limits of what can be said on cable television.  If you need proof, just check out this new promo for the show; this scene illustrates the risks Louis is willing to take for his family, and how far he will got to remain relevant in the entertainment industry.  This clip is about as NSFW as it gets - unless you work for Larry Flynt or Bob Guccione, in which case this kind of conversation is probably commonplace:

Lawrence “Larry” David,  Born July 2, 1947

Lawrence Gene David was born to a Jewish American family in Brooklyn, New York; he grew up in a neighborhood called Sheepshead Bay, and attended Sheepshead Bay High School in the mid-60′s.  After graduation, Larry chose to go to Maryland University at College Park; in 1969, he earned a bachelor’s degree in history, and then another in business one year later.  After college, David decided to forgo the daily grind that comes with being a college history professor, and opted for a career in stand-up comedy instead.  At first, Larry struggled - like most up-and-coming comedians – and had to take on odd jobs to make ends meet; while honing his comedy act, he also worked as a store clerk, limo driver, and TV repairman.  In 1980, he was hired as a writer on the sketch comedy show Friday’s, which was basically ABC’s answer to Saturday Night Live.  When Friday’s was cancelled in 1982, David continued to do stand-up until he was hired as a writer for SNL in 1984.  During the one season that he worked on the show, Larry was only able to get one sketch on the air - and it was the last skit in the show’s time slot.  He became dissatisfied with this minimal role, and ended up quitting in midseason; but in typical Costanza fashion (or David fashion as the case actually is), he showed back up at work a few days later and acted as though nothing had happened. 

Larry David’s life would take a turn for the better in 1989 when comedian Jerry Seinfeld asked him to help create and write a sitcom for NBC.  The Seinfeld Chronicles was pitched as a “show about nothing”, and the plot revolved around the daily lives of four single friends who reside in New York’s Upper West Side.  A lot of the storylines, characters, and casting for the show came from Larry’s personal experiences, as well as previous work relationships – he lived next to a guy in Hell’s Kitchen named Kenny Kramer, previously worked with both Julia Louis-Dreyfuss and Michael Richards, and events in his own life served as inspiration for George Costanza’s character, just to name a few.  After the debut of the pilot, it seemed unlikely that NBC would continue the series, and the show’s rights were even offered to FOX – who declined to pick it up.  But an NBC big wig named Rick Ludwin chose to divert money from his budget so that four more episodes could be filmed.  The show achieved modest success during its first few seasons, but didn’t crack the Nielsen Ratings Top 30 until the fourth season.  Larry decided to leave Seinfeld in 1996 after the seventh season ended; he wrote or co-wrote 57 of the 180 episodes (not including re-writes of the script), and also returned to write the show’s finale two years later.  During his time with the show, Larry received 19 Emmy nominations for his work, and won twice - one for best comedy & one for his writing.  It is estimated that David earned $250 million in 1998 alone, which was a result of the him selling the show’s syndication rights (this was also part of the original NBC deal, which totaled $1.7 billion).  Although Seinfeld has now been off the air for over a decade, many people still consider it to be the greatest show in TV history - and I happen to be one of them

After a short hiatus, and an unsuccessful movie, Larry returned to his roots for an hour long HBO special titled Larry David: Curb Your Enthusiasm.  This special was then transformed into a 30 minute sitcom of the same name, which premiered on October 15, 2000.  Larry plays a fictionalized version of himself on the show - a neurotic, semi-retired writer/comedian with too much time on his hands - who often finds himself in socially awkward situations and predicaments that he unknowingly created (also known as a “Larry David Moment”).  The plotlines are similar to that of Seinfeld in that most of them convey the humor in seemingly mundane events; but unlike his previous endeavor, each episode is littered with profanity and cringe-inducing moments that only networks like HBO (and minds like Larry David) can provide.  The show is currently in its seventh season, and has been nominated for 28 Emmy Awards - yet somehow, it has only won once.  In my eyes, there aren’t too many comedians (alive or dead) who can match the razor sharp wit and humor of Larry David, so it’s only fitting that we welcome the Master of his Domain into the Hater Hall of Fame.

Larry is not a fan of the Bluetooth craze:

His performance at a benefit in 2005 titled “Earth to America!”:

The best of Larry as “Big Stein”:

“Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.”

The following videos were taken from Pryor’s 1982 performance “Live on the Sunset Strip”:

Leonard Schneider aka Lenny Bruce,  Born October 13, 1925  Died August 3, 1966

Leonard Schneider was born in Mineola, New York to Myron and Sadie Schneider; his parents divorced when he was five, and Lenny lived with various relatives throughout the next decade.  Lenny attended Mepham High School in Bellmore, New York, but dropped out and decided to join the U.S. Navy in 1942.  He saw active duty in Europe, but was discharged in 1946 after convincing a team of navy shrinks that he was experimenting with homosexual urges.  In 1947, Schneider legally changed his name to Lenny Bruce, and with some encouragement from his mother – who was a stage performer herself – he began doing impressions, one liners, and movie parodies in small nightclubs.  Around this same time he also met a burlesque dancer named Honey Harlow – whom he described as having “alabaster breasts” – after dating for a while, the two were married on June 15, 1951 (they divorced in 1957).  The newlyweds soon moved to Miami Beach, where Honey worked as night club dancer/stripper.  Before moving to Florida, Bruce organized a charter from New York State legalizing the Brothers Mathias Foundation, and received a license to solicit and disperse funds for a leper colony in New Guiana.  On April 23, 1951 he was arrested in Palm Beach for solicitation, but the charges were later reduced to vagrancy and panhandling.  He was found not guilty in the case because the charter was legal, the leper colony did exist, and the local clergy didn’t actually know if he was an imposter – unfortunately, those poor New Guiana lepers only received $2,500 of the $8,000+ that Father Lenny raked in over a three week span.  He narrowly escaped this brush with Johnny Law, it wouldn’t be his last run-in with police and the U.S. judicial system though. 

Bruce started to receive bookings at small nightclubs after his appearance on the TV show Arthur Godfrey’s Talent Scoutsin 1948.  His unique act eventually led to an increase in popularity, and Bruce soon went from working seedy bars and jazz clubs to doing major TV appearances.  Although he would only appear on TV six times in his career, it was clear to audiences that Lenny Bruce was unlike any comedian during this era.  His routines were laced with profanity, and often involved social commentary on topics like organized religion, racial prejudices, and the government.  This edginess inevitably led to varying opinions in the mainstream media.  Some felt like Broadway columnist Hy Gardner, who called Bruce a ”one-time-around freak attraction”; others echoed the sentiment of a writer from San Francisco named Herb Caen:

They call Lenny Bruce a sick comic, and sick he is. Sick of all the pretentious phoniness of a generation that makes his vicious humor meaningful. He is a rebel, but not without a cause, for there are shirts that need un-stuffing, egos that need deflating. Sometimes you feel guilty laughing at some of Lenny’s mordant jabs, but that disappears a second later when your inner voice tells you with pleased surprise, ‘but that’s true’.”

Bruce’s raunchy persona also led to more altercations with the police - he was arrested 9 times in a 3 year span for either obscenity or possession of narcotics – and basically led to him being blackballed in clubs across the United States.  His last performance was at The Fillmore Auditorium in San Francisco on June 25, 1966, a concert that also featured Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention.  On August 3, 1996, Lenny Bruce was found dead in the bathroom of his Hollywood Hills home, and the autopsy listed his official cause of death as “acute morphine poisoning by an accidental overdose”.  Thirty-seven years after his death, Bruce received the first posthumous pardon in New York’s history when Governor George Pataki overturned his obscenity conviction from 1964.                       

Bruce’s material is not as relevant as it once was, but I still think it’s pretty damn funny:

“The ‘what should be’ never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no ‘what should be’, there is only what is.”

“I was in a casino, minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, ‘You’re gonna have to move. You’re blocking a fire exit.’ As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless you’re a table.”

“They say Sprite is made out of lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home, there’s more to it than that.”

“Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having. ‘Damn it, Otto, you’re an alcoholic.’ ‘Damn it, Otto, you have lupus.’ One of those two doesn’t sound right.”