I had written about thirty minutes worth of lingo on how cool my friend Octavio is, and how he got me hooked on drinking good, non-piss colored tequila (Jose Cuervo).  Then outta nowhere, it “disk” appeared into the internet ether like the fruit of a cottonwood tree making its break for freedom in a summer wind.  I kinda felt gay just writing that – not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Not gay enough to watch the Home and Garden Network without my wife within at least 15 feet of me, but somewhat close I’m sure.  I had written a lot of great philosophical ramblings about Octavio, and spoke about how we make fun of each other’s heritage.  I do so by being lazy and paying him to mow my yard, and he makes fun of my swilled back Irish heritage by buying me cool attire.  For instance, he bought me a green shirt with guys in various stages of being passed out - some on the floor, some on chairs – and above these guys the shirt says “Irish Yoga”.  Classic.  I don’t think I’ve ever came up with a better metaphor than when I said he works harder than a carpenter with a woody.  I’m not going to rehash all that shit like a Jamaican with a stutter, I’m simply saying it was pretty good stuff.  But now, due to the failures of technology, I must digress into a different level of my gourd to pour forthwith that which is, at this moment, untold.  I don’t really know where else to go.  Let’s see, I’ll look around my general vacinity and try to spy some inspiration.  

The Quizno’s taste tube sandwich thing-a-ma-bob ain’t too bad, huh?  I recently had a turkey, pesto, cheese, and bacon episode on their tubular style carbohydrate offering.  It was like eating a sandwich and having a flashback to that class in high school where you realized that there might be animals living in Castro’s beard, and that the Russians caused the Cuban Missile Crisis by stationing missiles right off the coast of Geezerville, USA.  I think the given name for this Tasty Tube is the “Torpedo” – I hear they’re coming out with another sandwich that will be marketed as a flavor explosion, it’s called the “M-80″.  I bet if you pay them to cater an event, they would probably substitute the word platter with something like “The Flavor Craft Carrier”.  It’s weird how they now apparently want you to “eat militant”.  I’ll say this, you could definitely use that tasty tube to beat down a fool from a foot or less away – depending on how hungry you were.  Or, you could also use it like a crusty, spicy javelin, and try to strategically take someone out with it.  Like my mom always said, it’s all fun and games until someone gets their eye tasty tubed out.

As a lawyer, I can tell you that forgetting to pay your court costs is the legal equivalent of an absent minded fornicator not taking/using birth control – See any of Mick Jagger’s kids born during his marriage to Jerry “Town” Hall that weren’t hers.  I mean Mick should just wake up, strap on a condom and take a confidentiality agreement with him, but he apparently never learns.  Obviously, it happens to the best of us, but it is also a simple mistake to avoid.  Me of all people should probably not be preaching about remembering to do anyth…and I told that lady, “your car was already upside down, and as for your mother, well, she’ll have to tell you about those bumps.”  Hey, I’m back.  Excuse me.  Like I was remembering to remind you to remember, when you get some kind of ticket, fine or court costs and said administrative bullshit has to be paid on or about (legal term for “not really sure but sometime around then”) a certain date, don’t wait until “on” or “about” - or even “near on”.  Hell, don’t even let it get close to about.  Just go pay the damn thing as soon as you can so you don’t forget. I’m not saying you have to be like that guy in Memento - or any college basketball player – and tattoo it all over your guns, but write it down somewhere and don’t forget it.  Me, I’d write it on all 12 of my pill bottles.  That way, I’d have to forget it 24 times a day to really forget it.  I’ll take those odds.  Make the date the I-know-where-you-are-equivalent of those people on milk cartons.  Instead of it being written on stuff because you need to be reminded to look for it, write it on stuff to remind you to do it.  Easy enough, right?

Well, I would have like to expounded further but my desire to sleep has overtaken me.  I will see you fools later like a baked tater…