While I don’t go to bars as much as I did in my younger days, I still pry myself off the La-Z-Boy and enjoy a night out on the town every so often.  My intentions when I visit a bar however, have remained the same since I turned twenty-one.  I never cared much for socializing or birddogging chicks (which may be a result of having NO game), because my only objective at a bar is getting buzzed up as quickly as possible.  A good bar keep should know this and ensure the transition from sober to fit shaced is quick and painless; but a movie called Cocktail started a disturbing trend in 1988, and spawned a sect of bartenders that turn drink orders into an elaborate & pointless production.

Although you can go to “college” to obtain a degree in mixology, most bartenders will ultimately choose a different career path in the end.  Even if you do attend one of these highly accredited institutions, I have to believe that showmanship and juggling is not part of the core cirriculum.  Say someone does embark on a quest to become the greatest bartender ever, one simple idea should guide them:  If you serve drinks and beers quickly, you will have more (& happier) customers, which means you will make more money.  Everything else is secondary, and only impedes the process of inebriation.  A real professional doesn’t need fancy tricks to get the job done; I have seen Lebron James throw in underhanded shots from halfcourt multiple times, but you don’t see him trying to pull it off during an actual game. 

Below are some Youtube videos from the 2007 Legends of Bartending, one of (too) many competitions that take place every year.  These clips feature contestants that participated in the “Flair Bartending” category; while their tricks are mildly impressive, I doubt it makes the drinks taste any better.  The one positive aspect is that these guys have something to fall back on if bartending doesn’t work out…I hear Cirque du Soleil & The Ringling Brothers are always looking for new talent.

Neither of these guys could compare to the duo of Brian Flanagan and Doug Coughlin: