Today’s inductee into the Hater Hall of Fame was the proprietor of a junkyard/antique dealership in Watts, and a big fan of Ripple – as well as ”Beaujolipple”, “Cripple”, and “Champipple”:

Fred G. Sanford,  Born January 21, 1908

Frederick Sanford was born in St. Louis, Missouri and spent much of his young life there.  He married a girl named Elizabeth Winfield at a young age, and in 1946 they moved to a poor neighborhood in Los Angeles, California with their son Lamont.  His wife unexpectedly passed away a year later, and Fred soon started a junk/antique business out of his home.  Lamont eventually dropped out of high school to help out his father, and “Sanford & Son” was born.  

Fred G. Sanford is an old man who’s known for having a difficult disposition, which could be compared to another character who’s associated with junk.  He is also a terrible cook, a dreamer, a bigot, and quite the ladies man.  Despite him being prone to fake heart attacks and other various illnesses, Fred never backs down from a fight when he feels slighted.  He is always more than willing to offer “five ‘cross yo lip” or “one of these where you sneeze.”  Even though Lamont is the only family Fred has outside of a younger sister he rarely sees, he affectionately refers to his son as “big dummy” and constantly questions his intelligence.  Consequently, Lamont is the only one who does any actual work at Sanford & Son, on account of Fred’s “arthur-itis.”  The only other semblance of family that he has also happens to be his arch nemesis, his late wife’s sister “Aunt Esther.”  Esther and the rest of the family never liked Fred, and despite Lamont’s best efforts, the hatred between the two is an ongoing (and hilarious) theme.  Here are some Fred’s finer moments, including a peek into the ongoing rivalry with his sister-in-law Esther Anderson (may be a few overlapping clips, sorry).  You can read the full fictional biography of Fred Sanford here.

Links to a few of my favorite episodes of Sanford & Son:

“The Puerto Ricans are Coming”, Part I, Part II, Part III

“The Stung”, Part I, Part II, Part III

“Golden Boy”, Part I, Part II, Part III

“The Merger”, Part I, Part II, Part III

Jeffrey Ross Lifschultz, Born September 13, 1965

Jeffrey Lifschultz was born in New Jersey, and one or both of his parents were Jewish – I’m guessing since the bios on the Internet about Ross, unlike him, are kind of slim.  His mother died of an illness when he was thirteen years-old, so I imagine Ross used comedy as an escape during his teen years.  He attended Boston University after high school, where he studied film and broadcasting, and also worked for a time at the university’s local National Public Radio affiliate.   After graduating, I would think he moved to Hollywood or possibly New York to pursue a career in show business.  His first experiences on camera included such distinguished roles as “Movie Theater Guy #2″ in Jeffrey, “Car Theft Victim” in Celtic Pride, and “Mr. Smith” in the TV movie Encino Woman – and in case you’re wondering, the premise was just like Encino Man but without the genitalia, by which I mean that dick Brendan Fraser.  Although he has since had some roles on popular TV shows like Weeds and CSI, and movies like Along Came Polly, Ross is now widely recognized for being the “Roastmaster General.”

In 1995, Ross joined the New York Friars’ Club, and three years later he was picked as a roaster for a show honoring comedian Drew Carey.  His verbal bashing of the now-skinny, and might I say somewhat scary, host of The Price is Right then led to recurring appearances on the televised Comedy Central Roasts.  Since Carey’s roast, Jeff has been on the panel for pretty much every celebrity roast on the network, including William Shatner, Pamela Anderson, Bob Saget, Flavor Flav, and most recently, David Hasselhoff.  In 2005, Ross and TV executive Aaron Lee created an animated series for MTV2′s Sic’emation lineup titled Where My Dogs At? But the show was pulled after only 8 episodes, mainly due to viewer complaints about a skit with Snoop Dogg that depicted “black women squatting on all fours tethered to leashes and defecating on the floor.” – unfortunately I was unable to find this particular skit from the show on the Internet.  That same year, he also made his directorial debut in Patriot Act: A Jeffrey Ross Home Movie.  The film follows Ross around at USO shows while he’s entertaining troops stationed around Iraq, and the comedian discusses how the whole experience changed some of his views on life.  It received the Best Feature Film Award at the Montreal Comedy Festival, and has run on the Showtime network several times since its release.  But despite this continued success with projects that don’t necessarily involve crushing peoples’ egos (including a new book), if you look at Ross’s website under the “About” heading, he obviously knows where his celebrity bread is buttered:

“My name is Jeffrey Ross, but I am commonly known as the Roastmaster General. I’m not entirely sure how I got this title, but it has stuck and I am proud of it. Most stand-up comics are self-deprecating. I’m all-deprecating. Sure, I occasionally make fun of myself — but I specialize in making fun of others. I’m what is commonly known as an insult comic. Diss is my life.

I never planned on making fun of people for a living. It happened by accident. In fact, my whole life has been a series of happy and not-so-happy accidents that have transformed me into the black belt in busting balls that I am today. I like being known as the meanest man in comedy, but I must admit that it’s a blessing and a curse. It’s not a bad way to make a living, but every now and then somebody wants to kill me.”

And now for some videos that illustrate Ross’s special ability to offend and insult people of all walks of life, which has earned him a nod as the newest inductee into the Hater Hall of Fame (Language is NSFW):

The crowd in this clip is lame, and it would be 100 x’s better if Jamie Foxx had turned off his mic, but Ross absolutely kills it:

William “Bill” Burr, Born June 10, 1968

William Burr was born in Canton, Massachusetts to a dentist father whose name I could not find, and a mother who will also have to remain nameless.  I imagine William shortened his name to Bill instead of Will, to prevent confusion and jokes involving the show Mister Ed.  In the bio on his website, Burr describes his educational career by saying he “did fairly poorly in school, despite the fact that he applied himself.” Bill’s stand-up career first started at age 23, when he entered a contest in 1992 called “Find Boston’s Funniest College Student” at Nick’s Comedy Shop.  According to Burr, his first appearance was short and mediocre, but he immediately knew that it was what he wanted to do.   He moved to New York City for a short time in the mid-90′s before going to Los Angeles, where he worked on a couple of sitcoms and movies.  Burr’s career really began to pick up in the new millennium, after he was featured on shows like Late Night with Conan O’Brien, Comedy Central Presents, Shorties Watchin’ Shorties, and even Law & Order: Criminal Intent.  In 2004, I first saw Burr during a two episode stint on Chappelle’s Show (his most notable sketches being “Guys Night Out” and “The Racial Draft”), and discovered his brilliantly unapologetic stand-up act soon thereafter.

In 2005, Burr received his own half-hour One Night Stand special on HBO, and also began working as a guest comedian on radio programs like Bob & Tom and the Opie and Anthony Show. A year later, he and fellow comedian Joe Derosa started hosting a three-hour radio show on XM’s The Virus (Ch. 202) titled “Uninformed.”  The show has continued to run on an erratic basis, and to date there are five that you can listen to for free via podcast – he’s also been a guest on other comedian’s Internet shows, including Adam Carolla and fellow HHOF member Joe Rogan.   Since May of 2007, Bill has recorded his own weekly podcast as well, in which he “rants and rambles with cynical insights into the world of comedy, relationships, religion, politics, customer service, and conspiracy theories.”  Burr signed on with Colorado Independent label What Are Records?, and released his debut album Emotionally Unavailable: Expanded Edition on October 16, 2007.  He followed this up a year later with the release of Why Do I Do This? and his newest project is titled Let It Go.  It’s hard for me to say what Bill Burr is really all about since I don’t know the guy personally, so it’s best to leave the explaining to the man himself (from his website’s bio):

Bill is against organized religion and believes we should go back to the gold standard for our currency. None of his opinions are based on any sort of reliable information. He tends to go with his first thought, because reading makes him sleepy…In the future Bill hopes to get married, have some kids, and get a dog. But until then, he will continue to spend most of his mid-afternoons sitting in his sweatpants learning AC/DC songs on his SG.

All of the following clips contain language that is NSFW:

More Bill Burr on YouTube

Samuel L. Jackson, Born December 21, 1948

Samuel Leroy Jackson was born in Washington D.C., and is the only child of Elizabeth Jackson and a deadbeat dad whose name I could not find after a thorough search – Jackson only met his father twice before he died of complications due to alcoholism.  Sam L. grew up in Chattanooga, Tennessee with his mother and maternal grandparents, who looked after him while his mother worked in a nearby factory.  Jackson began to perform at young age, which he says was a result of his “pirate” phase: “As a kid I loved Treasure Island. “My favorite pirate movie was The Crimson Pirate with Burt Lancaster. When I was a kid we played pirates in our neighborhood, not sissy stuff like Captain Hook but serious pirates.” Jackson attended several segregated schools when he was younger, and during this time, he also acted in some school plays and played both the french horn and trumpet in the school’s orchestra.  After graduating from Riverside High School, Jackson then moved to Atlanta, Georgia and enrolled at Morehouse College.

Jackson initially went to Morehouse to major in Architecture, but after taking a public speaking class and appearing in one of the university’s plays, he changed it to Drama.  In order to do this, he had to begin taking classes at the college’s sister school, Spellman.  It was here that he met LaTanya Richardson, a fellow acting student whom he would later marry in 1980 – and they remain together to this day.  While at Spellman, Jackson also became involved in the civil rights movement after the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in 1968.  This involvement led to an incident in 1969 where Jackson and several other student held members of Morehouse’s board of trustees hostage, demanding that the school change its cirriculum and governance.  Although his actions did lead to policy changes within the university, Sam L. was suspended for two years and charged with a second-degree felony.  He would return in 1972 to earn his Bachelor of Arts in Drama.  Soon after graduating, Jackson and his soon-to-be wife LaTanya helped start the Just Us theater company in Atlanta.  He then began to participate in several area plays, which lead to TV appearances and ultimately his feature film debut in the 1972 blaxploitation film Together For Days.

In 1976, Samuel and LaTanya moved to New York City so that they could further pursue their acting careers.  Jackson acted in two plays that would end up on Broadway, but he was not a part of the cast (Roc took his place) as a result of problems he developed with alcohol and cocaine addiction.  He was cast in a minimal amount of roles during this early part of his career – including a cameo in one of the funniest movies ever – before being introduced to director Spike Lee.  The director cast Sam L. in his next two movies, School Daze and Do the Right Thing, and he would then play a minor part in the 1990 mobster flick Goodfellas.  After these films, his drug addiction worsened until his family finally entered him into a rehab clinic in New York City.  After successfully completing his stint, Spike Lee once again called on Jackson, this time to play a crack cocaine addict named Gator Purify in the 1991 film Jungle Fever.  This is considered to be his breakout role, which is solidified by the fact that the Cannes Film Festival created a “Best Supporting Actor” award based solely on his performance.

His film career took off after this point, and included arguably his most recognizable role as Jules Winfield in Quentin Tarantino’s 1994 masterpiece Pulp Fiction.  This was the role that defined Samuel L. Jackson as the angry, “bad muther fucker” we all know and love, and also the first of many film roles where his character was the straw that stirred the tasty beverage.  Whether he is playing a concerned citizen caught up in a good ol’ John McClane shit storm or an FBI agent taking on some mutha fuckin snakes, on a mutha fuckin plane, Jackson’s performances rarely disappoint.  His energy, which I like to think is fueled by Haterade, along with his on-screen presence has helped Sam L. become one of Hollywood’s most successful and beloved actors – The 2009 Guinness Book of World Records lists him as the world’s highest grossing actor, raking in $7.42 billion in his 68 films.  With at least six upcoming film projects that are either in pre- or post-production, it’s unclear when Jackson will walk away from the big screen – but one thing is clear, he was born to play a hater (Clips contain language).

A screen test from Jackson’s audition for Titanic:

The best part of The Negotiator, a conversation that starts around the one-minute mark:

My favorite scene in any movie, ever:

James “Jim” Norton Jr, Born July 19, 1968

James Joseph Norton, Jr. was born in Bayonne, New Jersey to a couple who had coitus nine or so months before July 19th.  That’s about all I was able to find out about his family life, besides that he was once a member of a street gang called “The Lords.”  Norton’s desire to become a comic started at age 12, after he saw the “Richard Pryor: Live in Concert” comedy special.  Then in 1990 at age 22, he finally got his first chance at a paying stand-up gig with the help of fellow comic Jim Florentine (of Crank Yankers fame).  Since his Wiki bio is boring and doesn’t give much insight into what type of guy/comedian he is, I will let Norton explain everything you’d ever want to know – and some things you never wanted to know.  First, here’s some Q&A from a survey that can be found on his MySpace page under “Tell Me About Yourself”:

Name: Jim “The Carrier” Norton
Birthplace: Dropped unceremoniously onto a bath mat during a coughing fit.
Eye Color: Bloody-stool brown
Hair Color: Brown, speckled with thick, cakey dandruff
Current Location: Closer to a grammar school than allowed by law.
Your Best Physical Feature: My taint.
Do You Think You are Attractive: Yes, when compared with burn victims.
Right- or Left-handed: Tug with my right, bag tickle with my left.
Your Most Overused Phrase on an Instant Messenger: “Your ass looks amazing in those diapers.”
Do You Smoke: Only when babysitting
Do You Get Motion Sickness: Only when riding fat girls.
Do You Like Thunderstorms: Yes, because they cause youngsters to huddle under my covers.
Do You Play an Instrument: I play spoons and the rape whistle.
In the Past Month have you drank: No, but I’ve purchased it for minors.
In the Past Month have you eaten sushi: No, but I store it in my girlfriend’s underpants.
In the Past Month have you stolen anything: 2 babies and a prosthetic testicle.
Ever shoplifted: I smuggled a gerbil out of the store without using my hands.
What country would you most like to visit: Wyoming

And here is Jim Norton’s biography in his own words:

I was sitting in my apartment, looking at my naked body in a mirror and contemplating suicide. My manager called and informed me that I need to update my bio. I have always detested bios written in the ‘third person.’ Every performer either writes or approves his or her bio. Third person makes it seem like a bunch of people got together to discuss the performer’s wonderfulness and just had to write it down for the world to see.

I also loathe the wording in a lot of bios. I did not “burst on to the scene”, nor do I leave crowds “rolling in the aisles”, “on the edge of their seats”, or “gasping for air”. Some nights I kill, other nights the crowd wants to gut me with a fishing knife. I am a relatively amusing guy in a child molesting/stomach cancer kind of way.

Being pegged as an ‘angry comic’ truly makes me want to vomit. To me the only labels in comedy that matter are ‘funny’, ‘original’ and ‘hack’. By original I don’t mean so weird that Andy Kaufman wouldn’t get it, and by hack I mean the next comic who writes a girl fart joke should have his writing hand smashed with a mallet. There is no subject I won’t make fun of (with the exception, of course, of girl farts). This has nothing to do with integrity, it’s because smelling them gives me an erection.

I am 5’7, 160 lbs with brown hair, brown eyes and have a torso with the muscle tone of a retarded boy’s tongue. I enjoy dining out, dancing and receiving yellow discipline from black prostitutes. Judi Brown of the Aspen Comedy Festival said, “He’s so brutally honest. He’s very refreshing in a business where a lot of people are phony.” That is probably the nicest compliment I have received as a performer.

You can read all the mundane, boring shit on Norton’s Wikipedia page if you want to learn more about him – but really, what else could you possibly want to know?  He currently serves as a co-host on XM radio’s The Opie and Anthony Show, and is touring across the country, spreading his unique perspective to the masses.

Norton performs on Jimmy Kimmel for one of the most uptight audiences in the history of late night television:

From his stand-up special “Monster Rain” (Language is NSFW):

(Hit Red play button, close pop-up, hit green play button)

More Jim Norton videos on YouTube

Andrew Clay Silverstein aka “The Diceman”,  Born September 29, 1957

Andrew Silverstein was born in a rough area of Brooklyn, New York – known as Sheepshead Bay – to Doris and Fred Silverstein.  It was evident from an early age that Andrew was destined to be a performer, and by age five he was already doing impressions of Elvis and the Fonz in the living room of his family’s house.  Clay claims that it was his musical skills, however, that helped get him through high school; he became a decent drummer and played bar mitzvahs and other local shindigs under the name Clay Silvers to earn cash.  In 1978, a 21 year-old Clay first stepped onto the comedy stage at a small club in Brooklyn called Pips.  He captivated the audience with a Jerry Lewis impersonation in the vain of his Nutty Professor character; and then after drinking some “magic potion”, he was transformed him into John Travolta’s suave character from the movie Grease – complete with a song and dance routine to “Greased Lightning.”  The audience went wild over his performance, and a week later he was headlining at the club under the name Andrew Clay.  Soon after, Andrew’s growing reputation led to bigger, more reputable venues like Budd Friedman’s Improv, To Catch a Rising Star, and Rodney Dangerfield’s Comedy Club.  In 1980, he made the move to Los Angeles, and was soon taken in my Mitzi Shore – who was the owner of The Comedy Store, and mother of The Wea…sel.  His work at Shore’s establishment led to bit parts in several B-movies (like Night Patrol, Wacko, and Private Resort), and appearances on TV shows like M*A*S*H and Diff’rent Strokes.

In 1983, Andrew Clay decided to go in a new direction with his comedy routine, and created the on-stage persona of Andrew “Dice” Clay.  Andrew molded The Diceman into a politically incorrect character who was patterned after an “an Italian street-corner tough guy, wearing a Fonz-like outfit”.  The new Andrew Clay was described as a “tough-talking, gutter-mouthed comic who preyed on everything and everybody…His tongue, razor sharp, could destroy and mangle any comedy club heckler and his act was so biting – that audiences sometimes didn’t know if he was joking.”  His outrageous subject matter spawned a small, loyal group of followers, but Clay was determined to make himself a household name in the comedy business.  Even though his rise was met with challenges from various groups who labeled his routine as misogynistic, racist, and morally reprehensible, Andrew was soon filling up clubs from California to New York, and everywhere in between.  His newest reputation triggered other film appearances in the 80′s (Pretty in Pink, Casual Sex), and netted him an appearance on a 1988 HBO special presented by Rodney Dangerfield – titled “Nothing Goes Right”.  While he only did eight minutes of actual material on the hour long special, it turned out to be “the break” that a lot of comedians experience before they invade the mainstream.  The very next show Dice did was in front of sold-out audience at the 18,000 seat Nassau Coliseum in Uniondale, New York, and “Dice Mania” was born.  This rise led to his own New Year’s Eve special on HBO (“The Iceman Cometh”), more movie offers, and helped him a accomplish a feat that no other comedian has matched – Andrew Dice Clay became the only comedian to ever sell out Madison Square Garden on two consecutive nights.

Although Clay was enjoying tremendous success as a stand-up, some of his decisions began to catch up with him in a negative way.  After he delivered an expletive-laden tirade during the 1989 MTV Movie Awards – which for some reason, surprised the network executives – he was banned from the station for life.  A year later he was picked to host Saturday Night Live, and cast member Nora Dunn boycotted the show due to his material on women – she never returned.  Perhaps Clay’s worst career choice revolved around his aspirations to be recognized as a legitimate movie star and leading man.  This desire would materialize in 1990 in the form of The Adventure of Ford Fairlane, his first role as a lead character; but pressure from his detractors resulted in the film getting pulled from many theater screens across the country, and Clay was soon blackballed in the motion picture industry.  He then acted in two unsuccessful TV projects thereafter, and it became apparent that the star of Andrew Dice Clay was beginning its descent.  In recent years, Andrew has managed to revive his career by performing nightly at showrooms in Las Vegas.  He had an 11-year contract with Bally’s Casino and Resort, and upon its end, he signed the biggest contract of his career with The Venetian.  There have been many opinions/discussions on where the Diceman’s place is in comedic lore.  Some say he appealed to the lowest common denominator, and made millions by glorifying stereotypes and prejudices.  Others say he was just playing a character whose job was to offend people, much like other famous insult comics before him.  A critic who saw Clay at his Vegas stomping ground recently had this to say: “What you will experience at the Venetian is a very talented actor, who has dared to say in public what most of us think and maybe even enjoy saying in private.  After the shock wears off, the laughter remains.”

Clay does impersonations of some popular actors in the 90′s (All video clips contain language):

The 1987 performance that established The Diceman as an up-and-coming talent:

One of his more recent TV appearances, from Jim Norton’s HBO show “Down and Dirty”:

Joe Rogan, Born August 11, 1967

Joe Rogan was born in Newark, New Jersey, but spent most of his life growing up in Boston.  I was unable to find any information about his parents or if he has any siblings, but I imagine he has at least one of the two.  Rogan has said that he was a troublemaker growing up and was constantly getting into trouble until he was around thirteen years-old.  It was around that time that Joe first discovered martial arts, and claims that the discipline and focus is what helped turn his life around.  Within a couple of years of training, he had earned a black belt and would eventually win the Massachusetts Full Contact Tae Kwon Do Championship for four consecutive years.  At the age of nineteen, Rogan won the U.S. Open Tae Kwon Do Championship as a lightweight; amazingly, he also went on to defeat both the middle- and heavyweight champions to earn the title of Grand Champion.  His friends saw more than just a martial artist though, and Rogan says, “They thought I was funny, and they were constantly trying to get me to do stand-up.  But they were my friends and they knew how I thought, I really thought that other people would just think I was an asshole.”  Eventually Joes’ friends convinced him to try out his material during an open mic night at a local club, and he immediately knew this was where he wanted to be.  When recalling his first experience as a stand-up comedian, Rogan said, “I literally heard a voice in my head saying that this was what I was supposed to do and to just get up there and do it.  It was the weirdest thing I’ve ever felt in my life, and the only time before or since that I’ve ever contemplated the notion of fate.”

As with most young comedians, commercial and financial success didn’t happen as quickly as Joe would have liked.  When he wasn’t performing at local comedy clubs, Rogan took on odd jobs to support his new career path.  At different times, he was a construction worker, limo driver, paper delivery man, and even a private dick – detective, not gigolo.  Rogan’s big break came one night when he convinced a club owner in Boston to let him perform five minutes of new material for no money.  During that five minutes, an entertainment manager by the name of Jeff Sussman was a member of the small audience.  He was impressed with Rogan’s act and asked the comedian if he would be interested in moving to New York to further his career.  Within a couple of days, Joe moved to Yankee Land and Sussman had him booked on MTV’s Half Hour Comedy Hour.  This appearance led to him being offered a role in a TV show called Hardball, which was produced by – wait for it – Disney.  After a brief stint with this show, he was cast as a janitor named Joe Garelli on the Phil Hartman-led project Newsradio.  He played, in his own words, “a very dumbed down censored version of himself” from 1995 until the show ended in 1999.  Rogan entered the world of reality TV in 2001 as the host of Fear Factor, and continually grossed American audiences out for the next five years – the most memorable being an episode involving everyone’s favorite crackhead.  Currently, he may be best known for being the voice of MMA’s most popular brand, the Ultimate Fighting Championship.  He has been the main color commentator along with Mike Goldberg since 2002, and provides the most insightful, hilarious analysis for an exciting sport that he knows very well.  Rogan has released two comedy CD’s and three DVD’s, his latest being Talking Monkeys in Space.  Here is some vintage Joe Rogan stand-up that proves he is truly worthy of this meaningless honor.

(All videos contain language)

Nick Di Paolo,  Born January 31, 1962

I couldn’t find a whole lot of information about this comedian’s early life, so the background section of this post will be somewhat limited in both scope and accuracy.  Nick Di Paolo was born in Danver, Massachusetts to two people (at least one of them was of Italian descent) who bumped uglies around 9 months before he was born.  He may be an only child, or he may have one or more siblings, who the hell knows?  When he was old enough, Di Paolo attended Danvers High School and probably did some stuff while he was there like join a sports team or club, and experiment with different types of drugs, alcohol, and pre-marital sex.  After high school, Di Paolo attended the University of Maine and majored in marketing, which is a degree someone pursues when they have absolutely no idea what they want to do with their life - at least that’s why I picked it.  After earning his degree, Nick did what a lot of other marketing major graduates have done before him – he began selling frozen steaks and seafood door-to-door out of the back of a pickup truck.

After working for two years as a traveling fish monger, Di Paolo quit and found himself jobless with no clue as to what he would do next.  One day Nick found himself walking on a beach in Revere, Massachusetts, and stumbled upon some guy on stage hosting a Best Tan Contest.  He took this as a sign (after all, he was broke, it was July, and he is Italian), so he entered the contest – and lost.  Later that night, Di Paolo was at a bar drowning his miseries in a pint glass when a stand-up comedian took the local stage.  It was then that Nick realized what his true calling was, and he set out for Boston to begin sowing his comedic oats.  He toiled away in anonymity at various Bean Town comedy clubs for two years, and then decided to take his act to New York.  It was here that Di Paolo began to make a name for himself, and he gained a sizable following from performing at clubs like Catch a Rising Star, Caroline’s, and The Comedy Cellar.  Native New Yoahkers identified with Di Paolo’s take no prisoners style, and enjoyed his politically incorrect brand of humor.  Since that time, Di Paolo has broken into the mainstream through various TV, movie, and radio appearances – some of the most recognizable being: The Chris Rock Show, The Sopranos, Lucky Louie, Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, Beer League, The Howard Stern Show, and as a guest host on The Dan Patrick Show.  He has also been a panelist on several of the Comedy Central Roasts, and can currently be seen on a very funny show – with an eclectic cast - called Smoking Gun Presents: World’s Dumbest.  

A critic for the Winnipeg Press once summed up Di Paolo’s on stage persona by saying he is “Gentle as a starved wolverine and as predictable as a tipsy-hop through a minefield, Nick DiPaolo is an experience constrained only slightly by the demands of stand-up comedy.”  I am not exactly sure what any of that means, but what do you expect from a Canadian writer?  The guy was probably full of Molson Ice and french fries with gravy when he wrote the article, so I’m surprised that he was actually able to put a coherent sentence together.

Di Paolo talks about the event every (straight) middle-aged man dreads:

I don’t think anyone wears button-fly jeans anymore, but that doesn’t make this video any less funny:

Nick Di Paolo loves women…politically correct-fueled feminists, not so much:

Watch more Nick Di Paolo stand-up clips on Jokes.com

Doug Stanhope,  Born March 25, 1967

Doug Stanhope was born and raised in Worcester, Massachusetts, and that’s about all I could find out about his early life.  According to his website, in 1990 Stanhope ”started his career in Las Vegas doing jack-off jokes for free drinks.”  Since that time, he has toured all over the world, including appearances at major comedy festivals like the Montreal Just For Laughs, U.S. Comedy Arts Festival, and the Chicago Comedy Festival.  In 1995, he won the San Francisco International Comedy Competition, edging out the incurable anal wart that is Dane Cook in a three-week contest.  Stanhope also took home the Strathmore Press Award in 2002 for his performance at the world’s largest art gathering, the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in Scotland – In 2009, over 1.8 million tickets were sold for 34,265 performances of 2,098 shows in 265 venues, over 25 days.  In 2004, he and fellow friend/comedian Joe Rogan were cast as replacements for Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla on Comedy Central’s The Man Show.  Coincidentally, the role as the second host once again came down to he and Dane Cook; Stanhope recalled the event in a radio interview by saying, “Dane Cook is my comedy nemesis and it all started with the San Francisco Comedy Competition.  I’d be on one of those lists of top ten comics to watch, and he’d be right next to me. For the Man Show it came down to me and him.  I got it, so I think he won that one.” – the Rogan/Stanhope experiment only lasted 22 episodes. 

Instead of attempting to describe Stanhope’s comedic style and his hankering for hating, I’ll let some accredited writers describe a typical Stanhope comedy set, and provide indisputable video evidence to back up their opinions:

“Stanhope’s confrontational stance comes from the rough, blistered underbelly of America’s trailer parks; he’s a feral, aggressive man full fueled by primal urges to drink, fight, and screw;­ and the corrosive material has all the venomous aggression you might expect from that background.  But what underlines it, and makes it so untouchably good, is the passion and conviction with which he holds his intelligent beliefs, informed by sensibilities that might seem alien to such a no-nonsense, pig-headed persona.” Chortle UK

“It could be something of a burden for a comedian to be seen to have taken on the mantle previously worn by Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison and Bill Hicks, as has often been said of Stanhope.  But he is a comic exemplar; he does what stand-up is supposed to do: Say the unsayable, tell us that we are all schmucks, provoke argument and entertain people.” Julian Hall, The Independent

“Doug Stanhope is one funny sumbitch.  He’s also one of the most twisted individuals I’ve ever met, but that’s part of his charm.” The Austin Chronicle

 An appearance on Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe:

The comedian discusses American society’s obsession with fear:

Stanhope’s views on sex and shame (Language is NSFW):

Bonus Clip: Religion and Politics 

Stephen Tyrone Colbert,  Born May 13, 1964

Stephen Colbert was born in Washington D.C. to James and Lorna Colbert, and was the youngest of eleven children. His father worked as the VP for academic affairs at the Medical University of South Carolina, and his mother was a housewife. He was raised in an Irish Catholic family, but his parents were also big on intellectualism, and taught their children that it was possible to question the church while remaining a Catholic. As a kid, Colbert quickly picked up on the negative stereotypes that surrounded Southerners, and didn’t want people to think he was less intelligent because he grew up in a certain part of the country. To help him accomplish this goal, Stephen began to work on hiding his accent by imitating the speech of news anchors on TV. On September 11, 1974, Colbert’s father and two of his brothers were tragically killed in the Eastern Air Lines Flight 212 plane crash; soon after, his mother had relocated the family to a more urban section of Charleston – an adjustment Colbert found to be quite difficult. He has said that during this time he became very detached, and found solace by immersing himself in various science fiction books – as well as role playing games like Dungeons & Dragons. In his teen years Colbert attended the Porter-Gaud School, where he wrote for the school newspaper, participated in several plays, and even briefly fronted a Rolling Stones cover band. After graduation, Stephen chose to attend Hampden-Sydney College in Virginia; there he studied philosophy, and first entertained the thought of pursuing a full-time acting career. Two years later, he transferred to Northwestern Universities School of Communication with the intent of one day becoming a dramatic actor.

While at Northwestern, Colbert began performing with a drama-based improvisation group out of Chicago called the Annoyance Theater; after he graduated in 1986, he was having a hard time finding work and took a job selling souvenirs and answering phones for the legendary Second City comedy troupe.  As an employee, Stephen was entitled to take free classes at their training center, and this led to a new found interest in comedic acting.  He initially began touring with the company as an understudy for Steve Carell, but would soon get a chance to display his own talents in a Comedy Central sketch show titled Exit 57- which was created by two of his close friends from Second City, Paul Dinello and Amy Sedaris.  Although the show only lasted twelve episodes, the reviews overall were positive and led to it being nominated for five Cable Ace Awards in 1995.  After Exit 57‘s cancellation, Colbert continued to work steadily both on and off screen.  He was a writer and cast member on The Dana Carvey show, a script consultant for VH1 & MTV, and briefly worked as a freelance writer for Saturday Night Live.  However, Colbert’s big break would come in 1997 when he was hired as a live correspondent on The Daily Show; it was here that Stephen developed his sardonic persona as a bible-thumping right-winger who closely resembles your average conservative talking head.  He was initially hired strictly on a trial basis, but before long he was widely recognized as the most popular fake correspondent on the show.  Colbert would be a major part of the The Daily Show for almost ten years, and his growing popularity eventually led to his own show.  The Colbert Report premiered after The Daily Show on Comedy Central back in October of 2005, and in the span of its 4+ years it has become one of the network’s highest rated shows.  Colbert’s no-nonsense attitude, perceived arrogance, and seemingly ethnocentric world views provide a satirical take on modern “news” programs – which often confuses dimwitted outsiders who aren’t sure whether he is serious or not.  Some of Colbert’s other popular projects include the defunct TV shows Strangers with Candy and Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law, some movies, and a NY Times best-selling book titled I Am America (And So Can You!).  So let’s take the time to salute a true American patriot, and the newest member of the Hater Hall of Fame:

A classic segment from The Daily Show known as “Even Stephven”: 

Stephen looks into the mirror and sees Glenn Beck – if that thought doesn’t send shudders down your spine, I don’t know what will:

Colbert taking on current events in “Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger”:

Bonus Clip:
Stephen roasts George Dubya at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner