Doug Stanhope,  Born March 25, 1967

Doug Stanhope was born and raised in Worcester, Massachusetts, and that’s about all I could find out about his early life.  According to his website, in 1990 Stanhope ”started his career in Las Vegas doing jack-off jokes for free drinks.”  Since that time, he has toured all over the world, including appearances at major comedy festivals like the Montreal Just For Laughs, U.S. Comedy Arts Festival, and the Chicago Comedy Festival.  In 1995, he won the San Francisco International Comedy Competition, edging out the incurable anal wart that is Dane Cook in a three-week contest.  Stanhope also took home the Strathmore Press Award in 2002 for his performance at the world’s largest art gathering, the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in Scotland – In 2009, over 1.8 million tickets were sold for 34,265 performances of 2,098 shows in 265 venues, over 25 days.  In 2004, he and fellow friend/comedian Joe Rogan were cast as replacements for Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla on Comedy Central’s The Man Show.  Coincidentally, the role as the second host once again came down to he and Dane Cook; Stanhope recalled the event in a radio interview by saying, “Dane Cook is my comedy nemesis and it all started with the San Francisco Comedy Competition.  I’d be on one of those lists of top ten comics to watch, and he’d be right next to me. For the Man Show it came down to me and him.  I got it, so I think he won that one.” – the Rogan/Stanhope experiment only lasted 22 episodes. 

Instead of attempting to describe Stanhope’s comedic style and his hankering for hating, I’ll let some accredited writers describe a typical Stanhope comedy set, and provide indisputable video evidence to back up their opinions:

“Stanhope’s confrontational stance comes from the rough, blistered underbelly of America’s trailer parks; he’s a feral, aggressive man full fueled by primal urges to drink, fight, and screw;­ and the corrosive material has all the venomous aggression you might expect from that background.  But what underlines it, and makes it so untouchably good, is the passion and conviction with which he holds his intelligent beliefs, informed by sensibilities that might seem alien to such a no-nonsense, pig-headed persona.” Chortle UK

“It could be something of a burden for a comedian to be seen to have taken on the mantle previously worn by Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison and Bill Hicks, as has often been said of Stanhope.  But he is a comic exemplar; he does what stand-up is supposed to do: Say the unsayable, tell us that we are all schmucks, provoke argument and entertain people.” Julian Hall, The Independent

“Doug Stanhope is one funny sumbitch.  He’s also one of the most twisted individuals I’ve ever met, but that’s part of his charm.” The Austin Chronicle

 An appearance on Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe:

The comedian discusses American society’s obsession with fear:

Stanhope’s views on sex and shame (Language is NSFW):

Bonus Clip: Religion and Politics 

Stephen Tyrone Colbert,  Born May 13, 1964

Stephen Colbert was born in Washington D.C. to James and Lorna Colbert, and was the youngest of eleven children. His father worked as the VP for academic affairs at the Medical University of South Carolina, and his mother was a housewife. He was raised in an Irish Catholic family, but his parents were also big on intellectualism, and taught their children that it was possible to question the church while remaining a Catholic. As a kid, Colbert quickly picked up on the negative stereotypes that surrounded Southerners, and didn’t want people to think he was less intelligent because he grew up in a certain part of the country. To help him accomplish this goal, Stephen began to work on hiding his accent by imitating the speech of news anchors on TV. On September 11, 1974, Colbert’s father and two of his brothers were tragically killed in the Eastern Air Lines Flight 212 plane crash; soon after, his mother had relocated the family to a more urban section of Charleston – an adjustment Colbert found to be quite difficult. He has said that during this time he became very detached, and found solace by immersing himself in various science fiction books – as well as role playing games like Dungeons & Dragons. In his teen years Colbert attended the Porter-Gaud School, where he wrote for the school newspaper, participated in several plays, and even briefly fronted a Rolling Stones cover band. After graduation, Stephen chose to attend Hampden-Sydney College in Virginia; there he studied philosophy, and first entertained the thought of pursuing a full-time acting career. Two years later, he transferred to Northwestern Universities School of Communication with the intent of one day becoming a dramatic actor.

While at Northwestern, Colbert began performing with a drama-based improvisation group out of Chicago called the Annoyance Theater; after he graduated in 1986, he was having a hard time finding work and took a job selling souvenirs and answering phones for the legendary Second City comedy troupe.  As an employee, Stephen was entitled to take free classes at their training center, and this led to a new found interest in comedic acting.  He initially began touring with the company as an understudy for Steve Carell, but would soon get a chance to display his own talents in a Comedy Central sketch show titled Exit 57- which was created by two of his close friends from Second City, Paul Dinello and Amy Sedaris.  Although the show only lasted twelve episodes, the reviews overall were positive and led to it being nominated for five Cable Ace Awards in 1995.  After Exit 57‘s cancellation, Colbert continued to work steadily both on and off screen.  He was a writer and cast member on The Dana Carvey show, a script consultant for VH1 & MTV, and briefly worked as a freelance writer for Saturday Night Live.  However, Colbert’s big break would come in 1997 when he was hired as a live correspondent on The Daily Show; it was here that Stephen developed his sardonic persona as a bible-thumping right-winger who closely resembles your average conservative talking head.  He was initially hired strictly on a trial basis, but before long he was widely recognized as the most popular fake correspondent on the show.  Colbert would be a major part of the The Daily Show for almost ten years, and his growing popularity eventually led to his own show.  The Colbert Report premiered after The Daily Show on Comedy Central back in October of 2005, and in the span of its 4+ years it has become one of the network’s highest rated shows.  Colbert’s no-nonsense attitude, perceived arrogance, and seemingly ethnocentric world views provide a satirical take on modern “news” programs – which often confuses dimwitted outsiders who aren’t sure whether he is serious or not.  Some of Colbert’s other popular projects include the defunct TV shows Strangers with Candy and Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law, some movies, and a NY Times best-selling book titled I Am America (And So Can You!).  So let’s take the time to salute a true American patriot, and the newest member of the Hater Hall of Fame:

A classic segment from The Daily Show known as “Even Stephven”: 

Stephen looks into the mirror and sees Glenn Beck – if that thought doesn’t send shudders down your spine, I don’t know what will:

Colbert taking on current events in “Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger”:

Bonus Clip:
Stephen roasts George Dubya at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner

Laurence Tureaud aka “Mr. T”,  Born May 21, 1952

Laurence Tureaud was born on the south side of Chicago, Illinois, and is the youngest of son of twelve children in his family (7 brothers & 4 sisters).  His father, Laurence Sr., left the family when T was only 5 years old; his mother was left to raise a dozen children in a 3 room apartment on only $87/month.  At Dunbar Vocational Career Academy, Laurence was a football star, a student of the martial arts, an avid reader, and a three-time city wrestling champ.  After high school, he received a full football scholarship to Prairie View A&M University, but was thrown off the team after only one year – I couldn’t find the reason behind his dismissal, but one could only imagine that it was for pitying too many fools.  He attended several other Chicago area colleges on athletic scholarship, but ultimately decided to leave school and become a military policeman in the U.S. Army.  After fulfilling his duties in the service, he played briefly in the NFL with the Green Bay Packers, worked as a gym teacher, and then began working fools over as a night club bouncer.

During his time as a bouncer, Laurence created the persona of Mr. T and incorporated a new appearance that would eventually be recognized as his trademark style.  When confrontations with, or among customers caused problems that lead to someone being thrown out, Mr. T would confiscate any valuables that people left behind after an altercation.  He would proudly display his gold collection while working in front of the establishment, and yet few customers had the cojones to ask for their possessions back after the fact.  So within a few years, he basically looked like an estranged member of Run DMC on steroids.  His other signature look evolved after T read a National Geographic Magazine article detailing the lives of the Mandinka tribe in West Africa.  The story included pictures of the warrior’s traditional haircut, the mohawk/beard combo, and he felt it would make a more permanent statement concerning his proud African heritage.  His recognizable look and reputation as a tough, professional bouncer would eventually lead to another career as a bodyguard to the stars.  In the ten years he worked as hired muscle, his famous clientele included the likes of Muhammad Ali, Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, and Joe Frazier - T can be seen leading Smokin Joe into the ring before his rematch with George Foreman in 1976.

In 1980, Mr. T was part of a segment on the NBC show Games People Play titled “America’s Toughest Bouncer”;  his appearance and gruff demeanor caught the eye of Sylvester Stallone, who decided to cast him as the Italian Stallion’s next opponent in Rocky III.  Mr. T’s performance as Clubber Lang would lead to a meteoric rise in the 80′s, and included the famous line “I pity the fool” – which is arguably one of the most widely recognized catchphrases in American pop culture history.  His next iconic role came in 1983 when he was cast as B.A. Baracus (Bosco Albert, or Bad Attitude) on a new NBC series called The A-Team.  His character was an ex-army commando on the lam with three other members of the U.S. government who were convicted of a crime they didn’t commit.  This team of rag tag crime stoppers mainly offered their services to hot chicks and rural old-timers who were looking to get rid of various militia redneck groups.  While the A-Team only lasted four seasons, Mr. T had already established himself as a household name in many different respects.  By the time the show ended in 1988, he already had a cartoon and cereal bearing his name, a motivational video directed at kids titled Be Somebody…or Be Somebody’s Fool!, and a rap album - Mr. T’s Commandments – to name a few.  Mister’s popularity waned in the 90′s when he basically disappeared from the public eye after being diagnosed with T-cell lymphoma; he has experienced a resurgence as of late after appearing in commercials for Snickers, and touting the power of the “Mohawk Grenade”in spots for World of Warcraft.  But enough with the biographical jibba jabba, it’s time to sit back and enjoy some of my favorite clips from the Hall’s latest, greatest hater. 

His 1985 appearance on The Late Show is a bit awkward, and totally awesome:

(Part II)

A video which chronicles Mr. T’s short stint as the 5th Foo Fighter:

The Best of B.A. Baracus:

Bonus Video:  An song from his 1984 motivational video, “Treat Your Mother Right“ 

Paul Mooney,  Born August 4, 1941

Paul Mooney was born in Louisiana, but spent most of his young life growing up in Oakland, California.  At a young age, Mooney ran away from home and decided to join the Charles Gody Circus; while stories that involve joining the circus usually don’t end too well, Mooney would go on to become the first African-American ringmaster in the history of the Big Top.  It was here that Mooney began writing jokes and observations, which he would incorporate into the circus’s opening act.  This material also helped him land his first job as a professional writer for another up-and-coming comedian - a man by the name of Richard Pryor.  Mooney wrote most of the routines for Pryor when he hosted an episode of Saturday Night Live on December 13, 1975, including a skit that many fans and critics claim is the funniest in the show’s history – “Racist Word Association“.  Mooney would go on to collaborate with Pryor on several different endeavors over the next decade.  Most notably, he was a co-writer on three of Pryor’s albums (Is It Something I Said?, Bicentennial Nigger, and Live on the Sunset Strip), and the head writer on The Richard Pryor Show.  NBC only ran four episodes of this series before it was cancelled, which was likely due to the many critics and viewers at that time who believed it was too controversial for network TV; but during that short time, he also provided several cast members with their first taste of show business – names like as Marsha Warfield, Robin Williams, Sandra Bernhard, and John Witherspoon.

Paul Mooney’s brilliance as a comedic writer continued to show through his work on shows like Sanford and Son and Good Times, but he struggled to gain recognition as a legitimate stand-up act.  He did, however, manage to land a few small parts in films like Which Way is Up?, Bustin’ Loose, Hollywood Shuffle, and played the role of singer/songwriter Sam Cooke in the 1978 biopic The Buddy Holly Story.  In 1990, Mooney was hired by the Wayans’ brothers to be a writer for their new sketch comedy program, In Living Color.  In the first year of the show, Mooney created one of my favorite characters from the series’s run, Homey the Clown, as well as Black Like You featuring the brothers Tom and Tom.  Mooney began to come into his own after the release of his first two comedy albums – “Race” in 1993, and ”Master Piece” in 1994.  Mooney’s comedy continued to be cutting edge and controversial by its very nature; his views on race relations, white culture, and US history have made many people uncomfortable – but the truth is not always a popular thing.  When asked about his comedic style, Mooney said, “I always drop history. It’s knowledge. There’s always a message in my comedy and you may not get it that night – it’s like time bombs. It’ll get you a week later. You’ll understand.”

Mooney’s most recognizable work to date is probably his appearances on Comedy Central’s Chappelle’s Show from 2003-06.  He initially performed in the sketches “Mooney at the Movies” and “Ask a Black Dude”, but later replaced those with a recurring character who was the African-American equivalent to Nostradamus, Negrodamus.  In these sketches, Mooney would ad-lib answers from fake audience members about some of life’s great mysteries – he was once asked, “Why is President Bush so sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?”  The wise soothsayer simply replied, “Because he has the receipt.”  While working on the show, he released his first comedy DVD, titled “Analyzing White America” – his second DVD, “Know Your History: Jesus is Black…So Was Cleopatra”, was released in 2006.  Mooney has since appeared in a 2009 documentary produced by Chris Rock Productions titled Good Hair, and he continues to tour across the U.S. doing his stand-up act.  While more than a few critics have used words like “militant” and ”racist” to describe Paul Mooney, I prefer terms like “truthful”, “unapologetic”, “free thinker”, and most importantly, a ”world class hater”. 

Mooney talks about UFO’s, acting, schools, and animals:

Mooney’s first appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman:

More Paul Mooney videos on YouTube

Lawrence “Larry” David,  Born July 2, 1947

Lawrence Gene David was born to a Jewish American family in Brooklyn, New York; he grew up in a neighborhood called Sheepshead Bay, and attended Sheepshead Bay High School in the mid-60′s.  After graduation, Larry chose to go to Maryland University at College Park; in 1969, he earned a bachelor’s degree in history, and then another in business one year later.  After college, David decided to forgo the daily grind that comes with being a college history professor, and opted for a career in stand-up comedy instead.  At first, Larry struggled - like most up-and-coming comedians – and had to take on odd jobs to make ends meet; while honing his comedy act, he also worked as a store clerk, limo driver, and TV repairman.  In 1980, he was hired as a writer on the sketch comedy show Friday’s, which was basically ABC’s answer to Saturday Night Live.  When Friday’s was cancelled in 1982, David continued to do stand-up until he was hired as a writer for SNL in 1984.  During the one season that he worked on the show, Larry was only able to get one sketch on the air - and it was the last skit in the show’s time slot.  He became dissatisfied with this minimal role, and ended up quitting in midseason; but in typical Costanza fashion (or David fashion as the case actually is), he showed back up at work a few days later and acted as though nothing had happened. 

Larry David’s life would take a turn for the better in 1989 when comedian Jerry Seinfeld asked him to help create and write a sitcom for NBC.  The Seinfeld Chronicles was pitched as a “show about nothing”, and the plot revolved around the daily lives of four single friends who reside in New York’s Upper West Side.  A lot of the storylines, characters, and casting for the show came from Larry’s personal experiences, as well as previous work relationships – he lived next to a guy in Hell’s Kitchen named Kenny Kramer, previously worked with both Julia Louis-Dreyfuss and Michael Richards, and events in his own life served as inspiration for George Costanza’s character, just to name a few.  After the debut of the pilot, it seemed unlikely that NBC would continue the series, and the show’s rights were even offered to FOX – who declined to pick it up.  But an NBC big wig named Rick Ludwin chose to divert money from his budget so that four more episodes could be filmed.  The show achieved modest success during its first few seasons, but didn’t crack the Nielsen Ratings Top 30 until the fourth season.  Larry decided to leave Seinfeld in 1996 after the seventh season ended; he wrote or co-wrote 57 of the 180 episodes (not including re-writes of the script), and also returned to write the show’s finale two years later.  During his time with the show, Larry received 19 Emmy nominations for his work, and won twice - one for best comedy & one for his writing.  It is estimated that David earned $250 million in 1998 alone, which was a result of the him selling the show’s syndication rights (this was also part of the original NBC deal, which totaled $1.7 billion).  Although Seinfeld has now been off the air for over a decade, many people still consider it to be the greatest show in TV history - and I happen to be one of them

After a short hiatus, and an unsuccessful movie, Larry returned to his roots for an hour long HBO special titled Larry David: Curb Your Enthusiasm.  This special was then transformed into a 30 minute sitcom of the same name, which premiered on October 15, 2000.  Larry plays a fictionalized version of himself on the show - a neurotic, semi-retired writer/comedian with too much time on his hands - who often finds himself in socially awkward situations and predicaments that he unknowingly created (also known as a “Larry David Moment”).  The plotlines are similar to that of Seinfeld in that most of them convey the humor in seemingly mundane events; but unlike his previous endeavor, each episode is littered with profanity and cringe-inducing moments that only networks like HBO (and minds like Larry David) can provide.  The show is currently in its seventh season, and has been nominated for 28 Emmy Awards - yet somehow, it has only won once.  In my eyes, there aren’t too many comedians (alive or dead) who can match the razor sharp wit and humor of Larry David, so it’s only fitting that we welcome the Master of his Domain into the Hater Hall of Fame.

Larry is not a fan of the Bluetooth craze:

His performance at a benefit in 2005 titled “Earth to America!”:

The best of Larry as “Big Stein”:

“Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.”

Kanye Omari West,  Born June 8, 1977

Kanye West was born in Atlanta, Georgia to Ray and Donda West; his parents divorced when he was just three years old, and Kanye chose to move with his mother to Chicago, Illinois.  He attended, and graduated from, Polaris High School in Oaklawn, Illinois, and then spent some time at the American Academy of Art and Chicago State University.  He never graduated from either institution, however, due to poor grades and his desire to pursue a career in music.  While attending school, West used to do some producing for relatively unknown acts who performed in and around the Chicago area; but that would all begin to change in 2000 when Kanye was asked to help produce some songs on Jay-Z’s upcoming album, The Blueprint.  West did production work on three of the albums’ tracks (most notably the lead single – “Izzo aka H.O.V.A.”), and his reputation as talented, young producer began to grow.  But Kanye’s ultimate goal was to make a name for himself as a rapper, probably because full-time music producers usually don’t get much face time.  At first, record companies were hesitant to sign him due to his “soft” image, but he would eventually receive a deal from Roc-a-Fella Records.

On October 23, 2002, Kanye was involved in near-fatal car crash after leaving a recording studio in Los Angeles.  This accident became the inspiration for his first single, “Through the Wire”, and reportedly caused the douchebag gland in his brain to secrete massive amounts of vinegar and water.  West’s first album, appropriately titled College Dropout, was released on February 10, 2004, and was well-received by both fans and critics alike - I thought it was decent, but nothing to yank your crank over.  This debut album would also go on to win 2 Grammy Awards in 2005, but it was nominated for three, so I am sure Kanye was furious after the show. College Dropout would eventually be certified triple platinum, and has currently sold over 3.5 million copies in the U.S. alone (People still buy CD’s?).  Since he really wanted to make his second album stand out, West asked film composer Jon Brion to serve as co-producer on several tracks; Brion naturally accepted, because he specialized in pretentious, overblown endeavors – See movies like I ♥ Huckabees, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  Late Registration hit the shelves on August 30, 2005, and sold over 860,000 copies in its first week.  It also earned Kanye 3 more Grammys, which provided more of the acclaim and perceived validation that he desperately seeks.  Keeping with the “I didn’t graduate from college, but look at me now” mentality, West’s third album was titled Graduation.  I really thought the name of his fourth album was going to be Master of Business Administration, but it ended up being some crap about speakers and love.  (If you actually want to learn more about Kanye, check out Wikipedia - or Dickipedia)

I am sure you thought I was going to talk about the incident with Taylor Swift at the VMA’s, but to be honest, I don’t give two shits about some blond beanpole or that worthless award show.  But I did enjoy the creative backlash after it happened:

South Park set their sights on Kanye in a 2009 episode titled “Fishsticks”, and it was one of their best efforts (Language):

Kanye also interrogated fellow Hater Hall of Shame member Carlos Mencia in “Fishsticks”.  

Footage of Kanye flipping out backstage at the 2007 VMA’s, and claiming that he’ll never come back.

Another Downfall parody that shouldn’t be funny, but it is.