Lewis Niles Black,  Born August 30, 1948

Lewis Black was born in the nation’s capital, or Washington D.C. for the geographically deficient; his father was an artist/mechanical engineer named Sam, and his mother was a teacher named Jeannette.  He was raised in Silver Spring, Maryland and attended Spring Brook High School, from which he graduated in 1966.  Black became interested in playwriting as an undergraduate at UNC Chapel Hill, and graduated with a Masters in Fine Arts from Yale University in 1977.  His career started as a playwright at a theatre bar in New York City’s Hell’s Kitchen, and he collaborated on numerous one act plays from 1981-89.  The roots of Black’s stand-up act also began during this time, because he performed as the opening act and M.C. for these plays.

Lewis Black had some bit parts in several movies (including a doctor in a weird ass movie called Jacob’s Ladder) and commercials before hitting it big as a comedian.  He received his first notable comedic role in 1996 on a new Comedy Central series called The Daily Show; Black served as a faux correspondent on the mockumentary-style news show, and continues to do a segment every so often called Back in Black.  This undoubtedly helped him land his first comedy showcase, which came in a 1998 edition of Comedy Central Presents. Lewis’s act proves that he is a natural born hater, and cites other ”angry” comics (namely George Carlin and Lenny Bruce) as his biggest comedic influences.  He also claims that he never writes down any of his material, but ”merely starts talking about something that makes him angry until he has to move on before he has a stroke.”  Since 2000 he has released four DVD specials and seven comedy albums; his performance at Carnegie Hall earned him a Grammy for Best Comedy Album in 2007l.  If you would like to learn more about Mr. Black, check out his Wikipedia page. 

His 2004 HBO comedy special Black on Broadway (sorry it’s split into 6 parts, but I couldn’t find the full video…and language is most assuredly NSFW): 

Here are the YouTube links for his most recent HBO comedy special (2006) titled Red, White, and Screwed:

Part I, Part II, Part III, IV, V, VI

Today’s Hater Hall of Shame inductee was a promising young actor in the early 1990′s; he has since proceeded to waste this early success, and is now best known for crappy chick flicks and being photographed without a shirt.

Matthew David McConaughey,  Born November 4, 1969

Matthew McConaughey was the youngest of three boys growing up in Uvalde, Texas.  His father James owned a gas station, and played football for the Green Bay Packers at one time; his mother Kathleen worked as a substitute school teacher.  After high school, McConaughey enrolled in the College of Communication at the University of Texas.  He began acting in TV commercials in 1991, but his big break came in 1993 when he was cast as David Wooderson in the movie Dazed and Confused.  Here is a video of his best moments from that cult classic:

(Video and audio sync is a little off)

After Dazed and Confused he secured minor roles in films such as Angels in the Outfield (which starred the great Tony Danza), Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Boys on the Side and appeared on the TV show Unsolved Mysteries.  His first leading role was in the 1996 film A Time to Kill, which was the film adaption of a John Grisham novel.  No sooner than he had achieved success McConaughey seemingly accepted any role, no matter how terrible the movie might be – as evidenced by films like Larger than Life, Contact, The Newton Boys, EDtv, and U-571. 

In October of 1999, police were called to McConaughey’s house because of a neighbor’s noise complaint; when officers arrived, the actor was rocking out some bongo solos in the buff.  They of course knew he had to be on something, and after a quick search he was charged with possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia.  I am convinced that this incident (or daily shots of estrogen) marked a change in the actor’s film career, who has since become the King of the Chick Flicks.  It started in 2001 with the film Wedding Planner, and continued with How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Failure to Launch, Fool’s Gold, and his latest The Ghosts of Girlfriend’s Past (which appears to be a new low, even for him).

When he is not fornicating with beautiful women or rollin doobies, you may find McConaughey helping out in the community.  After Hurricane Katrina, he rescued dogs, cats, and hamsters that were affected by the floodwaters in New Orleans…apparently he didn’t know about the thousands of people who were also stranded.   And a little while ago he started a foundation called Just Keep Livin – which is not to be confused with his buddy Lance Armstrong’s Live Strong Foundation.  According to the site, J.K.L.’s goal is to teach children “the importance of decision making, health, education, and active living” – groundbreaking stuff, dude. 

McConaughey’s girlfriend gave birth to his first son on July 7, 2008.  Here is some rare video footage that was captured in the delivery room:

Stewie Griffin lets McConaughey know how everyone feels about his acting:

One of his upcoming projects, Three Matthew McConaugheys and a Baby:

“My best quality is that I’m a big hearted person. I’m resilient, too. My worst quality is selfishness, although everyone is guilty of that to an extent. Everyone should be, I think — you need to respect yourself.”

 ”There aren’t many things that are universally cool, and it’s cool not to litter. I’d never do it.”

“You can get away with dropping ‘em a couple of times, and they’ll still be okay.  Can’t really do that with a little girl.”   –quote about his brother becoming the father of a son

The Hater Hall of Fame welcomes the first (and more than likely the last) police officer into its ranks on this Friday afternoon.  Thankfully, I have only had to deal with the fuzz on a limited number of occasions; but it’s a well-known fact that this profession is filled with haters.  The following sheriff is the standard by which all other uniformed haters should be measured:

Sheriff Buford T. Justice

Little is known about the early life of Mr. Justice, but as the name implies, he was born to be a man of the law.  People say he was born in a small Texas town, and was raised in a strict, law-abiding household.  He was one of 3 boys in the family; his brother Reginald Van Justice now resides in Canada, while Gaylord Justice serves as the sheriff of another town in Texas.  Buford T became a police officer early in life, and he also married a young woman who would change his life (for the worse).  Not long after, he became the sheriff of Portague County, and was the proud father of a son named Junior — proud until Jr. grew into a man at least.  Things were going good for Buford T, until he crossed paths with two notorious bootleggers in the late 70′s – the Bandit and Snowman. 

At that time, the federal and state liquor laws forbade the shipment or sale of Coors beer east of the Mississippi River.  The Bandit and Snowman were hired by a man named Big Enos to pick up and haul 400 cases of Coors from Texas to Georgia, all in a span of 28 hours.  After the duo load up and set out to deliver the goods, the Bandit picks up a dancer named Carrie.  She just skipped out on her wedding, and unfortunately the groom she left at the altar was none other than Junior Justice.  This twist of fate draws Buford T. Justice’s attention to the Bandit, and an epic battle between good and evil begins (you can decide which is which).  The following videos recount this clash of the titans, and provide insight into the character of this famed Texas lawman:

Buford T. Justice Compilation 

The first of three encounters between Smokey and the Bandit