What in the hell happened to the purple leather - not quite a jumpsuit, but almost a super hero - costume-wearing Eddie Murphy of the Raw days?  Hell, I’ll even take the quasi-pink leather of the Delirious days if it means he’ll actually go back to being hardcore funny again.  However, E.M. traded in the leather that hugged his Testiclees (The Greek God of Fertility) like they had just stated their first name and admitted they had a problem for fat suits, novelty teeth, and computer generated animation.  Sure, farts are funny.  Lettin’ one go at the appropriate, strategically placed time (or the inappropriate time) can be funnier than any kick to the tenders.  But as far as I remember, those Nutty Professor movies marked the disappearance of the Eddie Murphy people like me once loved.  The coupe de ville of those two flicks was him playing all the different Klump characters, and blowin’ it out like they worked for Atmos.  Admittedly, the first 10 times you see it, it’s funny.  After that, it’s just him with a bad wig, wearin’ a fat suit, a bunch of makeup, and some editors splicin’ all this flatulence together.  Once again, if by some weird chance you’ve never seen Tropic Thunder – which I refer to more often than the phone book for CVS’s pharmacy – you should.  “Jeff Portnoy” (Jack Black) made his whole career off a movie franchise called The Fatty’s; and in the scenes they show from the movie trailer, all they do is fart at the dinner table a la The Nutty Professor.  So, I guess the only thing worse than not being talked about, is not being made fun of.

E.M. was about as funny a mofo as there was at one time.  He told all those stories about being poor, and cussed like a sailor who just got a below the belt piercing.  But if you watch any tapes of his stand-up, it wasn’t offensive.  The harshness of his vernacular fit the lowdown that he was layin’ forth.  In betwixt all the laughter, you didn’t really have time to keep a scorecard of all motherfuckers, goddamns, fucks, and whatnot.  The routine he did about Bill Cosby was great because, first of all, he imitated his voice and it was dead on.  Second, he told The Cos to fuck off at the end, which in and of itself was shockingly hilarious because it was putting Mr. Family value’s name in the same routine with the F Bomb.  Telling Dr. Huxtable to gargle your gonards takes big cojones, no matter which way you look at it.  He did this no telling how many nights a week, for however long the tour was when he wore that crazy ass leather suit.  That thing was so tight, it probably required three guys, four c-clamps, ball bearings, and a quart of 10W-40 oil just to get it off.  If you looked very closely at his family traditions, you could actually see his pulse, which made the suit very safe.  When he was sick on tour, a doctor could just sit in the front row and monitor his vital signs without having to actually examine him.

Before he kicked ass standing up, he was funnier than that other black guy on SNL, too.  I mean, seriously, Velvet Jones?  After seeing him dressed up in a toupée flogging that book, who didn’t want to be a ho?  There was also the skit where he dressed up as a white guy to see what caucasians were all really up to, and found out we give away free newspapers and drinks to each other on the bus.  I mean, race relations in this country came a long way after he played Gumby.  Before him, nobody could have imagined Gumby as being black.  He’d always just been green.  The only people up for that role were Lou Ferrigno or Bill Bixby, but Murphy took it to new heights.  Singing the song about “Hymie Town” after Jessie Jackson used it in a statement took guts, and he made it funny.  Plus, that goofy wig and the way he holds the mic while doing it is good stuff.  Who hasn’t tried to convince a member of the opposite sex to play Celebrity Hot Tub?  “You got to get in water!  Hey!  Gonna make ya sweata!  Huh!  Good Gawd!”  And if there has ever been a fake assassination more funny than that of Buckwheat, I haven’t seen it – J.R.’s was boring, and not funny at all.  Before the dude shot him, he said, “Hey, Mr. Wheat?”  Mr. Wheat?  That’s funny right there.  I can remember watching that live with my cousin, and thinking it was real.  Some people remember where they were when the marine/government/mob killed John F. Kennedy.  My generation has the memory of where they were the night Buckwheat was shot.

Now it seems as though he has tapped into the intestines of family humor, and is riding that gastric train all the way to bank.  He was the voice of Donkey in a bevy of Shrek films, and Shrek farts as often as Rosie O’Donnell after 10% off day at the Pork Peddler.  We already touched on the Nutty Professor films, when he fat suited and farted his way to the bank.  Then he made some movie called Norbit, which sounds like what you would call a large man who had something very small in his pants – and I never saw it.  He did Bowfinger with Steve Martin and somebody; I don’t know if that finger is where the arrow in Martin’s head came from, because I forgot to tie anything around my finger to remind me see it.  And who can forget his adventures as a lunar night club owner named Pluto Nash?  I know Eddie’s tried to, since it’s lauded as the worst box office flop of all-time.  About the only non-family thing he’s done in the past fifteen years was pick up that prostitute that may, or may not have been a Transformer (more than meets the eye was definitely true in that case).  E.M. told the cops that he was just giving he/she a ride, so maybe he was doing research for a sequel to Taxi Driver.

I understand that E.M. has probably earned a ton of duckets making families across the world happy by playing flatulent, one-dimensional characters.  That’s great, and a fartwhile dream.  I just don’t understand why a man who has as much pure talent and money – assuming he didn’t go all Wesley Snipes – won’t go back to his roots.  I think it’s time to break the Crisco back out, lube up, throw on the leather, get back on stage and tear it up.  I know I’m not the only fool out there who would pay good money to see it.  There may be some hope on the horizon since it’s been reported that another Beverly Hills Cop is in the works, but don’t be surprised if it turns out to be a Pixar production.

(Part I of Eddie Murphy’s Law)

Last Sunday I featured a collection of SNL commercial parodies, and proclaimed them to be the only skits that remained consistently funny over the years.  However, I did neglect to mention one of my all-time favorite recurring shorts, which were written by Triumph the Insult dog creator Robert Smigel.  So I bring you one of the most feared, and enigmatic, crime fighting duos since Van-Damme and Rodman - The Ambiguously Gay Duo:

“Ambiguo Boys”(Click red play button, close pop-up, click green play button):

“Trouble Coming Twice”:

“A Hard One to Swallow”:

I was pretty excited to see NBA legend/worst golfer on Earth Charles Barkley host Saturday Night Live for the second time last night; that enthusiasm quickly faded like a hippie at a Phish show, because I remembered that he wouldn’t be working with the cast from 1993.  This show has gone downhill faster than the Jamaican bobsled team in Cool Runnings, but one thing that has remained consistently funny is their hilarious take on the swindlers of Madison Avenue.  Here are few of my favorites from the past 30+ years:

Let’s see that guy from Man vs. Food take down one of these bad boys:

The wonders of technology never cease to amaze me:

I always knew stores somewhere sold this maternal fashion disaster:

Bonus Clips:

HiberNol

Colon Blow

Lawrence “Larry” David,  Born July 2, 1947

Lawrence Gene David was born to a Jewish American family in Brooklyn, New York; he grew up in a neighborhood called Sheepshead Bay, and attended Sheepshead Bay High School in the mid-60′s.  After graduation, Larry chose to go to Maryland University at College Park; in 1969, he earned a bachelor’s degree in history, and then another in business one year later.  After college, David decided to forgo the daily grind that comes with being a college history professor, and opted for a career in stand-up comedy instead.  At first, Larry struggled - like most up-and-coming comedians – and had to take on odd jobs to make ends meet; while honing his comedy act, he also worked as a store clerk, limo driver, and TV repairman.  In 1980, he was hired as a writer on the sketch comedy show Friday’s, which was basically ABC’s answer to Saturday Night Live.  When Friday’s was cancelled in 1982, David continued to do stand-up until he was hired as a writer for SNL in 1984.  During the one season that he worked on the show, Larry was only able to get one sketch on the air - and it was the last skit in the show’s time slot.  He became dissatisfied with this minimal role, and ended up quitting in midseason; but in typical Costanza fashion (or David fashion as the case actually is), he showed back up at work a few days later and acted as though nothing had happened. 

Larry David’s life would take a turn for the better in 1989 when comedian Jerry Seinfeld asked him to help create and write a sitcom for NBC.  The Seinfeld Chronicles was pitched as a “show about nothing”, and the plot revolved around the daily lives of four single friends who reside in New York’s Upper West Side.  A lot of the storylines, characters, and casting for the show came from Larry’s personal experiences, as well as previous work relationships – he lived next to a guy in Hell’s Kitchen named Kenny Kramer, previously worked with both Julia Louis-Dreyfuss and Michael Richards, and events in his own life served as inspiration for George Costanza’s character, just to name a few.  After the debut of the pilot, it seemed unlikely that NBC would continue the series, and the show’s rights were even offered to FOX – who declined to pick it up.  But an NBC big wig named Rick Ludwin chose to divert money from his budget so that four more episodes could be filmed.  The show achieved modest success during its first few seasons, but didn’t crack the Nielsen Ratings Top 30 until the fourth season.  Larry decided to leave Seinfeld in 1996 after the seventh season ended; he wrote or co-wrote 57 of the 180 episodes (not including re-writes of the script), and also returned to write the show’s finale two years later.  During his time with the show, Larry received 19 Emmy nominations for his work, and won twice - one for best comedy & one for his writing.  It is estimated that David earned $250 million in 1998 alone, which was a result of the him selling the show’s syndication rights (this was also part of the original NBC deal, which totaled $1.7 billion).  Although Seinfeld has now been off the air for over a decade, many people still consider it to be the greatest show in TV history - and I happen to be one of them

After a short hiatus, and an unsuccessful movie, Larry returned to his roots for an hour long HBO special titled Larry David: Curb Your Enthusiasm.  This special was then transformed into a 30 minute sitcom of the same name, which premiered on October 15, 2000.  Larry plays a fictionalized version of himself on the show - a neurotic, semi-retired writer/comedian with too much time on his hands - who often finds himself in socially awkward situations and predicaments that he unknowingly created (also known as a “Larry David Moment”).  The plotlines are similar to that of Seinfeld in that most of them convey the humor in seemingly mundane events; but unlike his previous endeavor, each episode is littered with profanity and cringe-inducing moments that only networks like HBO (and minds like Larry David) can provide.  The show is currently in its seventh season, and has been nominated for 28 Emmy Awards - yet somehow, it has only won once.  In my eyes, there aren’t too many comedians (alive or dead) who can match the razor sharp wit and humor of Larry David, so it’s only fitting that we welcome the Master of his Domain into the Hater Hall of Fame.

Larry is not a fan of the Bluetooth craze:

His performance at a benefit in 2005 titled “Earth to America!”:

The best of Larry as “Big Stein”:

“Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.”

Ronald “Christopher” Walken’s first acting job came in 1953, when he was cast as the narrator of the NBC TV series The Wonderful John Acton.  Well over 50 years and 100 acting credits later, he remains one of the most sought-after and recognizable actors in Hollywood.  Walken has been featured in a wide range of projects over the course of his career, from gripping dramas like The Deer Hunter, to sophomoric comedy films like Joe Dirt.  He is best known for his deadpan delivery and the unique rythm of his speech, which has been parodied by many comedians/performers throughout the years - and often by Walken himself.  He recently appeared on the BBC1 show Friday Night with Jonathan Ross, and delivered another stirring performance when he did a dramatic reading of Lady Gaga‘s “Poker Face”:

I’ve got a fever…and the only cure is more Walkens (click the play button twice, video may take a minute to load):

I came across this classic skit from an episode of Saturday Night Live that aired on October 9, 1982, and it brought back some fond memories.  The video made me think of a simpler time, a time when: SNL had a star-studded cast, Eddie Murphy had not yet reached his Raw potential, and Ron Howard was trying to make a name for himself as a bona fide director -  and also live down his roles on The Andy Griffith Show and Happy Days.  Our tour guide on this trip down memory lane will be Raheem Abdul Mohammed, so sit back and enjoy this special throwback edition of Focus on Film: 

I’ve decided to start the day out on a good note, and feature one of the best (if not the best) recurring sketches in the 30+ year history of Saturday Night Live. 

This video has been featured on numerous media outlets since Monday, and it happened on Jimmy Fallon’s show of all places.  Mark-Paul Gosselaar took time away from his Steven Bochco legal drama to revisit the role that made him famous – the mega pimp of the early 90′s, Bayside’s own Zack Morris:

My feelings towards Fallon himself remain unchanged, he just happens to have at least one writer who is creative and talented.  One good bit doesn’t make up for all the skits he almost single handedly ruined on Saturday Night Live.  Peter Griffin probably explained it best in this Family Guy clip:

Now remember what Peter said, and watch Fallon in this classic SNL video:

After compiling and posting a list of my top 10 hottest fictional mothers yesterday, I of course found a video that should have definitely been included.  There was a great skit on the most recent SNL performed by Andy Samberg & Justin Timberlake, the duo who brought you “D**k in a Box”; but since SNL sucks now, I missed their latest hit titled “Motherlover”.  If you missed it as well, Andy & JT have definitely got another viral hit on their hands – & they apparently love mothers too: