To commemorate the life of an Italian explorer who inadvertently discovered the Americas (he believed he had found India) and brought slavery, war, and destruction to the inhabitants of the “New World”, let’s take a look at some other stuff that’s not important:

I don’t want to sound like one of those “back in my day” jerk offs, but it seems like the South American Sesame Street is quite a bit different from the U.S. version that I grew up watching (Via Afrojacks)

With the rise of online dating services like eHarmony and Ashley Madison (whose motto is “Life is short. Have an affair”), there is no reason for singles to drive to an agency, and record ridiculously cheesy dating videos filled with exaggerations and half-truths anymore.  Luckily, a few dating agencies from the 80′s & 90′s managed to preserve bios from some of their most eligible bachelors (by using something called VHS) – and chose to ignore something as insignificant as confidentiality.

Links

 The Huffington Post takes a look back at the “10 Creepiest, Unintentionally-Sexual Ads of All Time”.

The accordion is probably one of the most uncool instruments on the planet (with the ukulele not far behind), but this accordion wunderkind may change all that.

The people at Regretful Morning take a look at some of the most insane drinking games from around the world.

A community office kitchen can bring out he worst in some people, and the best in others – 25 Passive Aggressive Office Kitchen Notes.

I saw a commercial recently (for a product I can’t recall), and it was just some girl talking about having one of those days where everything seems to go right – i.e. you find money in an old jacket pocket, you don’t hit any red lights on your way to work, etc.  Now I’m not saying we all haven’t experienced moments like this, but doesn’t it feel like they are usually few and far between?  More often than not, I’ll have days that feel like the exact opposite – you know, those days where you’re treated like a statue in the park of life.  It’s never fun to be in that position, but one of my creeds, or mottos, or credos is “It could always be worse.”  This mode of thinking is true for anyone who has a roof over their head and food on the table each day - it’s not applicable, however, if you happen to live like this.  So excluding the two-thirds of the population that lives in a third world country, here are a few other stories that are straight out of a crappy Daniel Powter ballad.

Dinner With 53 of Your Closest Friends

“It’s a San Diego Chargers (and perhaps NFL) tradition. The team’s rookie first-rounder is obligated to take the rest of the team out to dinner…This year, Larry English was the lucky rookie.”  Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman claims that English got off “easy” compared to what he spent his rookie year in 2006.  So what was English’s damage? 

I realize the guy is a millionaire, but that tab has got to be hard to stomach – no pun intended. Oh, and Merriman claims his rookie tab totaled $32K. Full Story

Ticket Taker

A motorist in the town of Greece, New York was apprehended by police after participating in what will surely be a costly joyride.  Police initially clocked Joshua Bracci at 111 mph on a local road, and attempted to pull him over for excessive speeding.  Joshua was apparently feeling lucky, and decided to lead police on a 13 minute chase that eventually lead to his arrest – and 56 tickets.  I am not talking about Chuck E. Cheese money either, Bracci was issued 56 charges from the Greece PD that included “first-degree reckless endangerment and first-degree aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle, both felonies, driving while intoxicated, reckless driving, unlawfully fleeing police, resisting arrest, criminal mischief, leaving the scene of an accident”…and 48 more.  I don’t know much about the case, but I see him claiming The Fast and The Furious or maybe the Need for Speed defense.  Full Story

South Africa’s Internet Speed is for the Birds

“A South African information technology company on Wednesday proved it was faster for them to transmit data with a carrier pigeon than to send it using Telkom, the country’s leading internet service provider…The 11-month-old pigeon, Winston, took one hour and eight minutes to fly the 80 km (50 miles) from Unlimited IT’s offices near Pietermaritzburg to the coastal city of Durban with a data card (that) was strapped to his leg.  Including downloading, the transfer took two hours, six minutes and 57 seconds — the time it took for only four percent of the data to be transferred using a Telkom line.”  Full Story

An entertainer named Bert Williams once said, ”The man with the real sense of humor is the man who can put himself in the spectator’s place and laugh at his own misfortune.”  Laughing at yourself is a tough thing to do for most of us in these situations, because few people like dealing with misfortune.  Whether it’s minor – like falling down in public – or something major – like being evicted from an apartment – no one enjoys feeling as if life is dropping a big Cleveland Steamer on you.  Yet even the most awful of events can still have dashes of humor mixed in, but we are usually too busy being embarassed or wallowing in self-pity to notice them.

Thanks to the wonders of the internet, there is a site where people are anonymously sharing their misfortunes on a daily basis.  I don’t think that all of these stories are necessarily true, because people like to exaggerate - call it the Penthouse Forum Effect.  I personally don’t care if they are made up or not; they are still good for a laugh, and let you know that life is rough for everyone at one time or another.  Here are a few recent excerpts from one of my new favorite sites - Fmylife (or FML for short), which means exactly what you think it does:

“Today, I went to my grandfather’s funeral.  As I stood there, bawling my eyes out, my aunt came over and put her arm around me. She leaned her head close to mine.  I assumed she was going to say something comforting, instead she asked where I’d bought my shoes from. FML”

“Today, I finished my internship working in a government lab.  I got paid $4000 for the summer.  I was talking to my cousin, who said that when he worked as a carnie last summer he made $8000.  I get paid half as much for doing research as a carnie does for serving people sno-cones.  FML”

Today, I was with my mom and boyfriend at lunch.  My phone rings and my mom excitedly says, “You have friends!”  As I’m about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says, “Kidding, it just me.”  My boyfriends starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five.  FML”

“Today, I went for a run.  I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation.  Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was ‘A man running’.  I didn’t even get an apology. FML”

We have all had those days (or weeks) where nothing seems to go right.  Sometimes it is something as insignificant as stubbing your toe when you stumble out of bed in the morning, which starts your day off on the wrong foot.  Other times it can be a long string of events that get progressively worse as the day goes on – stub your toe, spill piping hot coffee in your lap, your car has a flat tire on the way to work, and get a speeding ticket when you try to make up the lost time.  The only positive thing you can think during a time like this is, “It could always be worse”.  That is true in most cases, but it would be definitely be tough to look on the bright side if I were in these people’s positions:

Boy drinks petrol to become Transformer

Xiao Fang, from Xingwen in eastern China, reportedly drank the petrol in secret, sipping it as he ate food in the belief that it could help him emulate the powers of robotic superheroes such as the Transformers…However he has been left critically ill and has suffered serious nerve damage…The boy’s parents admitted their suspicions had been aroused by a strange smell…”I wondered about the smell of petrol in our home,” said Xiao Fang’s father.  LINK

Man tries to fix airbed, blows up apartment

A German who tried to fix his leaky air mattress blew up his apartment…The 45-year-old man used tire repair solvent to plug a hole in his airbed and left it overnight…But it blew up when he went to inflate it the next day. “A spark from the electric air pump ignited it,” a fire brigade spokesman said…The blast pushed his living room wall into the building’s stairwell and caused extensive damage to walls, windows and furniture. LINK

Teacher Gives Sex Tape to 5th Graders

A local teacher accidentally put pornography into a DVD that was meant to be filled with school memories from the past year, and nobody caught the error until after it was sent home, shocking parents and students alike…The offending DVD starts with a menu screen that displays various school trips and functions, and when you click on one of them, you see kids in a classroom sharing stories. They start clapping, then the video suddenly cuts to sex…”It goes from my son, straight to her on the couch,” said ‘Joe,’ who saw the video along with his son and did not wish to be identified… legal experts say it’s unlikely that the teacher will lose her job…”It’s felony stupid, but it’s not a crime,” said defense expert Ken Rosenfeld.  LINK

Apparently pets can have bad days too: